Here are what Bec's wedding and engagement rings were made out of

"My mom gave Ruben her original wedding and engagement ring- Chris used that to make the base of my ring.
Ruben's mom gave us a stone from the Gold Ring that was used to be the center of my ring. Ruben's mom also gave us a band with small diamonds on it that was a close family friends of Rubens, the diamonds were used on my engagement ring and the band was re done as my wedding band." ~Bec

Ruben's Dad's Original Wedding Band - Chris fixed it, polished it, sharpened it and dipped it too be the same as Bec's rings

Finished wedding rings

Photo By Tyler

Side of Finished Ring

Jewelry Designer Chris Neff

designed and made from scratch by Bec

Garments

Bec's Mom's Dress- Original Wedding Gown

Original Prom Dress- The dress I wore to my prom in 1996

Photos by Ruben Diaz

Finished wedding dress and Ruben's suit

Finished prom dress

Photos by Tyler Hubby

As dinner comenced Michele assembled and activate the most colorful glittered and heart full space for guests to get their portents taken. The lights acted like a siren's song wooing everyone to line up and get snapped. The energized joy and conversation it created was magical. Any disparate elements of the crowd dissolved under the gels, hearts and the stars. you never know how certain things will play out and this was one that far exceeded any expectation, fully blossomed and drew people together, and now exists as full blown color saturated memory of the day.

Ruben's parents, the Diaz's

Bec's parents, the Ulrich's

Mike Slack and Tricia Gabriel

Dave Jones and Ross McAlpine

Tif Sigfrids and Russell Ferguson

Paul Kopeikin, me and Steffie Nelson

Here's George Porcari, our distinguished 2nd cameraman, and Penelope Gonzales, whose enthusiasm for the Get Hubbied fake tattoos was incomparable.

Lawrence Barth and Abel Gutierrez, the artist who painted the couple's portraits

My dad, Dr. Ben Hubby in his inspired wedding attire, and equally inspired stunner, Rose Apodaca

New friends, Marie and Dannie Cavanaugh

Dad, our unofficial third cameraman, and the lovely Asuka Hisa

My sister, Bolyn Hubby, mom, Barbara Gillespie, and moi, getting the cogs of the machine spinning

the groom's family table, the Diaz's

DJ with the mostest, the dapper Joe Williams

I have no idea what I'm pointing at

Tif's patience with me is remarkable

At the very least, I hug

the halo of the room

Daveed Kapoor and Alison Kudlow collaborated to create a space for the couple to reconnect after the ceremony. The artists re-imagined the traditional atrium—a domestic area open to the sky—by installing a fabric roof with a rectangular opening over the bed. They created a bed of Silver Carpet (Lessingia), a California native, as the first place for the couple to lay together post-nuptials.

A week later Bec, Ruben, Daveed and Alison planted the silver-leafed vines on an unkempt hill across the street from the couple’s home.

Photo by Rose Apodaca

Karen Lofgren, you are my hero! This cake set the mood for the entire wedding. It was seated on top of the piano, and practically the first thing guests saw when they first arrived. No one could believe it was the cake. It was utterly and completely unique, thought provoking and humor-filled. Unfortunately for me, I missed the its entrance later in the night due to some wedding-planner complexities, but as the pictures will show, it took on the role of a 'normal' wedding cake at the right time though, and bride and groom reciprocally fed each other with it, and then the crowd feasted upon it.

“I wanted the cake and cake topper to appear to be industrial supplies for building actual foundations, yet exist materially as fragile, ephemeral objects.”
~ Karen

Photos by Tyler Hubby

The toast that Bec's father made was powerful times ten. I certainly understand that his skills and passion for his vocation as a Reverend projected mightily. I don't think I've ever heard such a moving speech. It had the ying and the yang of life in it; it reflected on life's greatest challenges as well as joyfully extending his love and blessings to Bec and Ruben. The congregation was riveted, and again, it was a moment that enhanced the differences between us and the rarity of an event that brought such diversity together. I can only speak for myself, but I felt lucky to be there. I know I set the ball in motion, but it was the coming together of these particular groups of people and what each group brought into the mix that made the event so special. Roger Herman's goblets visually cemented the moment with their out-of-place beauty and solidity, their imperfect forcefulness, and their playfulness.

Photo by Tyler Hubby

The bouquet toss shook the house, literally. I'm now sure that Bec must have played sports as a child because of the way she wielded that bat. I pity the players on any opposite team - that girl has a strong arm and she wasn't afraid to use it. The pinatas, one dafodill and one daisy represented Ruben's and Bec's favorite flowers, respectively. I was responsible for the symbolic replacement of flora with pinata due to the wish to subvert the original meaning of the bouquet toss. The toss is about the bride choosing the next girl in line to be married. There is a desperation and cat-fight kind of energy that sometimes ensues during this ritual which is about wanting to get a man. That's why I chose to insert messages in small bottles inside the pinatas; for the women, I wrote tips for how to win a man, and for the men, I wrote pick-up lines. It was disturbing on so many levels that these tips and lines were all taken from books published within the last couple of years.

Photo by Rose Apodaca

Photo by Tyler Hubby

Flirting tips:

Just get out there and flirt! * Have a fun conversation. Just try not to say anything dumb or idiotic * Make eye contact with a guy and use lustful and playful glances to keep his attention * Mirror his behavior and see if he mirrors yours * Keep negative vibes out of your conversation or you may end up depressing a guy or pushing him away * Listen to what the man says and look like you are interested while he talks * Try not to give a guy the impression that he is inferior to you or less intelligent. Make him feel special. Try to stay away from discussing any of your unique interests for too long * Women who flirt with younger men should appear to be more sensual in order to better attract them * You can boost a guys’ ego by laughing at his silly remarks or at his jokes. Try not to overdo it with the laughing * A slight tilt of your head can make you appear a bit more shy. * Combine a tilt with a coy glance * Don’t bore a guy with stories of your job, your children or your ex * Speaking softly can sound sexy and seductive to many men – especially if you hesitate a little while you talk * If you like art, then try scoping out men at art galleries or museums * Smile, make good eye contact and look approachable. Be sure that your feet are pointed at the man you want to meet * Some women have success meeting guys online through social networking sites, if you are into things like this * Plant images in his head. Talk about your body in a subtly suggestive way without specifics. For instance, that you’ve been working out * Get the guy to talk about himself. You can ask him follow up questions r statements like: “That sounds interesting, tell me more about that.” * Stay away from stressful topics, such as how much money you each make, how many kids you want, religion or politics * Just fake it. Act like you’re confident in yourself and you will look confident * You can drop a pen and slowly bend over to pick it up. This can make you appear just a bit naughty and attract attention * Address a guy by his name when you speak to him. Most people like to hear their own names * You can try the dumb blonde approach, even if you aren’t a blonde. Make him your hero. Just try not to overdo it * Don’t take it personally if you don’t hear back from a guy. Just keep flirting with other men. Someone will ask you out * Briefly touch his arm, back or shoulder with your hand. Pretend he has a piece of lint on his clothes and remove it * Wear skin tight clothes to show off your figure. Wear a bikini if you’re at the beach * Bite your lower lip as you look at a guy, lick your lips with your tongue. Leave your lips parted just a little bit * Lip gloss, mascara and a light eye shadow can help enhance your look as you try to attract a man * Shiny and sparkly accessories are good flirting accessories * Necklaces, earrings and rings all help to attract guys, but don’t overdo it * Flirt while commuting. Strike up a conversation with a guy on the train or bus in the morning as you go to work (or school). Flirt with a man on the commute home as well for a more relaxed atmosphere * Sporting events are a fun place to meet guys. Flirt with men who are on their way to the concession stands. Be discreet and be careful about distracting guys for too long during a game * Younger men are tunred off by older women who nag them and try to mother them. The guy already has a mother.

Pick up lines

You must be tired: you’ve been running through my mind all day * Can I buy you a drink? …In Tahiti * Let’s go behind that rock and get a little boulder * Would you like to come home with me to see my art collection? * Do you sleep on your stomach? (No) Can I? * When they created the alphabet they should have put “U” and ‘I” together * Is that a ladder up your stocking or a ladder to heaven? * Hi, my name is chance? Do I have one? * If you were the new McDonald’s burger, you’d be the McGorgeous! * All those curves….and me with no brakes * Could you please step away from the bar. You’re melting all the ice * Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into that cheap motel room across the street * My name’s not Elmo, but you can tickle me anyway * I’m not really this tall. I’m just sitting on my wallet * If milk does a body good, you must drink a lot of it * I’d buy you a drink, but I’d be jealous of the straw * Greetings and salivations * You look just like my 1st wife and I’ve never been married * Can I borrow a quarter? I’ve got to call your mom and thank her * Hi, I’m here. Now, what are your other two wishes? * Do you know what would look really good on you? Me * Gosh, I’d love to be your jeans * I’m new in town. Can I get directions to your house? * How do you like your eggs? * I’ve lost my number. Can I borrow yours? * Should I call you in the morning, or just nudge you? * You remind me of a cappuccino: hot, sweet, and you make me nervous * Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date? * I’m invisible (really?) Can you see me? (yes) How about tomorrow night? * Let’s go to my place and do all the things I’ll tell everyone we did anyway * If I told you that you had a hot body, would you hold it against me? * Are you a parking ticket? You’ve got fine written all over you * Falling for you would be a very short trip * I’m no Fred Flintstone, but I’ll still make your Bedrock * I’m an army recruiter. Why don’t you come over to my house and be all you can be * Save a horse, ride a cowboy * Would you mind if I end this sentence in a proposition? * I’ve just moved you to the top of my to-do list * Would you like a gin and platonic? Or a scotch and sofa? * Great dress. I do think it would look better on my floor * Is there a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can sure see myself in your pants * Are you from Tennessee? Cause you’re the only ten I see * Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? * I’d buy you a drink, but they’re free * I can’t take you to heaven, but my private helicopter can get you close * Why don’t you drop the zero and get with a hero * Fortunately for you I’m more than just eye candy * Whoa, and I thought I was good looking! * If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, Id have a nickel * So, you’re the reason for global warming! * You make me want to get a job * Do you have a name or can I call you mine? * Did you hear the latest health report? You need to up your intake of vitamin me * Is that a fox on your shoulder, or am I seeing double? * You already have a boyfriend? Well, when you want to have a man-friend, come and see me * Kiss me if I’m wrong, but haven’t we met somewhere before? * Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money? * Can I take a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas? * Your body must be named visa, because its everywhere I want to be * Do you think I’m cute, or haven’t you had enough to drink yet? * “You make me want to be a better man,” Jack Nicholson, As good as it Gets, 1997 * "I get no kick from champagne. Mere alcohol doesn’t thrill me at all. So tell me why should it be true. That I kick out of you?" Cole Porter 1934 * Hello, I love you can you tell me your name? Hello I love you let me jump in your game (The Doors, 1968) * "If you like pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain" (Rupert Holmes, “Escape” 1979) * "But did thee feel the earth move?" – Ernest Hemingway (For Whom the Bell Tolls, 1940) * “I want to do with you what spring does with cherry trees” Pablo Neruda, 1924 * “Hey Lady, want to lick my mail?” Bruce Willis, Moonlighting, 1985 * “Do me the favor to deny me at once” Benjamin Franklin (Poor Richards Almanac, 1746) * “Give me a kiss or I’ll sock you” John Garfield, (The Postman Always Rigns Twice 1946) * "You know I’m the one responsible for those crop circles in England” Jerry Seinfeld, 1990 * “We’re going to know each other eventually, so why not now” Humphrey Bogart (Across the Pacific, 1942) * “I’d like to run barefoot through your hair” Franchot Tone (Bombshell, 1933) * "You’re a swell dish. I think I’m gonna go for you” James Cagney (The Public Enemy, 1931) * "You’re so beautiful, it makes me want to gag” Jimmy Stewart (You can’t take it with you, 1938) * “How you doin?” Matt LeBlanc (Friends 1994) * “Hey Baby, I noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to put you on notice that I noticed you too.” Will Smith (The Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire, 1990) * “Swoon, I’ll catch you” Ralph Fiennes The English Patient 1996) * “I may be the outlaw, but you’re the one stealin’ my heart” Brad Pitt (Thelma and Louise 1991) * “Let me try to enlarge your vocabulary” Roger Moore (The Spy Who Loved Me 1977) * “Everything wrong with you I like” Van Johnson (A Guy Named Joe ,1944)

This group, Chris Kuhrt, Stephen Schilling and Mark Simon, who have sung together for years, donned their finest gentlemanly apparel, made themselves up and pressed play on their boom box after waiting patiently for a couple of hours for the right moment to perform. They marched out with posters depicting Elizabeth Taylor getting married at different stages of her life; it was amusing that they chose her as the poster-girl since she's been married so many times, and none of them can. I took it as a statement that they'd like the same opportunities we have to marry, to be able to make mistakes in those marriages, as well as to divorce - all acts that most of us, and I'm saying we as heterosexuals, may take for granted.

I've known Mark Simon, a member of the group, for a while now. He was the biggest supporter of my CoTour catalog a few years back. I wanted to support him by including his group in the wedding. I felt that it would have been cowardly not to address the equality issue when approaching the subject of marriage, and when he told me about this song they'd been practicing, I added The Boyfriend to the roster.

The song, duly appropriate, was "I just want to get married"

They were bombastic and harmonious, charming and exaggerated. They punch up the volume of their own homosexuality, shaking hips and flouncing hands and giggling like girls, all the while singing about this very real, very serious topic. They were well into the song when I looked around the room and noticed a large disparity. The side of the room with my friends, my family, Bec and Ruben's friends, and the artists, were all delighted and clapping and laughing, but the side of the room where Bec and Ruben's families were sitting was visibly shaken and not amused, as well as uncomfortable. It underscored the schism on the topic, and brought another layer to the dynamic of this wedding, this art piece, this merger of peoples. Not all of it would be harmonious. That's what makes it more interesting, though I do feel badly that the families were confronted by this on the day of their children's wedding. Though, that said, generation gaps exist, and their families are not rare in that there will be topics they and their children don't see eye to eye on. The room returned back to the celebration at hand.

Guests were ushered outside to witness these three rituals. The sunlight at a perfect pitch, catching and radiating the bits of mock rain from Skip Arnold's poetic conversion of the rice throwing act. As we all walked out there, after signing the enlarged marriage certificate on the wall as witness' we were met with the sound of rain.

Guests in line to sign

photo by Tyler Hubby

It was as if Skip caught two slices of a downfall and set it in the midst of a perfect sunny day, positioning it so the couple would penetrate the first slice, or wall of rain (aided by a clear umbrella). The rain, came down on them like rice would, and the umbrella kept them safe and dry from the barrage.

"It was meant as a moment of solitude, the first moment to themselves. There is something about falling water, it’s refreshing."
~Skip

photo by Tyler Hubby

photo by Terri Phillips

They entered in on a quiet calm corridor for a short private walk where they convened and strolled slowly to the other wall of water, penetrating it and out into the sun, into the waiting throng of friends and family.

photo by Tyler Hubby

Ruben then hoisted Bec up onto the hood of the decorated car, to shimmy the garter, made by George Stoll, down her leg and off. Always a strange and somewhat lewd public act, simulating the intimacy the couple would now share. George pumped up that metaphor with his pink satiny version of the garter, seemingly normal at first, as normal as the ritual is to begin with, which was elasticized and whose puckered silks were adorned with a small pink pearl.

photo by Tyler Hubby

Ruben held it up for the crowd to see as he unzipped it slowly to the eye-locked crowd, to reveal and open a shiny vermillion flower of fabric unfolding out of the zipper, revealing its glory. Its not a shy metaphor. He threw it out over the crowd and down and in, and one lucky fellow was its happy victor and captor.

As if that was not enough stimuli, the car, their own decal adorned volvo, had been transformed by Joshua Callaghan into a simulation of an ice cream truck, replete with the goods, as well as a boom box on the roof with a blaring raucous soundtrack.

"I wanted to make their car into an ice cream truck. I think it is a romantic idea to run away in an ice cream truck. In some way too the ice cream truck is a small family business very typical of Los Angeles that relates to this new family enterprise. Lastly, everyone likes ice cream too, so I thought it would be a nice element to introduce to the event."
~Joshua

The audience were drawn into the cooler of treats and gathered around the 'truck' eating ice cream well before dinner, which was funny. Bec and Ruben were driven around by the best man, Ronnie Diaz, and maid of honor, Sara Cross, while the guests made there way back inside.

photos by Tyler Hubby

Photo by Rose Apodaca

Once everyone was seated and buzzing after the resonant Wedding March, and the handing over of the soon to be bride, Joe Sola began his 'Sermon,' which was welcoming, respectful and warm. He is so at home with performing and orating that he made it look easy, as graceful as Cary Grant making a martini...until...he stated he would at this point like to talk about a few things before they go on...so he leaves the fireplace and positions himself in front of an easel and a pad of paper next to a small table with a pitcher of water and a glass on it. As he flipped the page to reveal the first of many pie charts, there was a chuckle from the congregation. I was rivited. The charts pictured statistics about married couples, the percentages of which experience troubles in various categories, like home repair, or television watching. There were serious topics covered in the charts, but his delivery, and intermingling of humor struck the perfect balance. He then took a very very long sip of water, which confused some and created an eerie quiet.

It was then that something happened, a kerfuffle commenced as he caught his pants on the easel and began to fall grabbing at the table as he fell.

The pitcher and the glass went flying and crashed and shattered as Joe tumbled into the isle. My father, a doctor by trade, but a man of many hats, had a look of panic on his face and began to rush forward to help Joe. I put out my arm to block him and whispered that it was all planned. It took Dad a minute to process, but then he became more than amused and started filming everything. Joe picked himself up and eased right into talking about how life will present you with little disasters, but that being together, remaining open and true, that Bec and Ruben will not become any statistic. It was such an elegant accident, surprising, shocking even, but then wrapped up so succinctly and most importantly, with a positive message. It far exceeded my idea of what his presentation would emit. That certainly livened the room.

photos by Tyler Hubby

What followed were the vows led by Joe, and the ring exchange which brought everyone back to focus on the couple and their union. The ring box was opened to reveal the twig inside wearing the two rings on it's branches. William Stone created it out of a fallen branch - the knot of the branch became the lid, holding inside the circular symbols of tying the knot.

photos by Tyler Hubby

photo by Bettina Hubby

Over the mantle were the portraits of Bec and Ruben painted by Abel Gutierrez; the images were taken from pictures of them in their teen years, well before they met. It was ponient to see images of them from the past in front of the present, promising each other a future together. Also mysterious and surreal, since the image he picked of Ruben is from a carnival where he's picking up a deflated set of barbells, and the one of Bec looks almost exactly the same as she looks now, both painted in the same gray blue pallet to enjoin the images.

"Based on two very different photographs from their youth, this diptych was created to consider Bec and Ruben's histories, commonalities, and identities both as individuals and as a couple."
~Abel

photo by Tyler Hubby

Joe turned the mic to me and I welcomed and appreciated everyone, asking them to turn their attention to the word on a circle of Mylar in front of them. I knew that if I'd spoken the words I wanted to speak to Bec, Ruben, their parents, my parents, my friends, Tif, etc., for all their faith, trust and open-mindedness, that my waterproof mascara certainly would have been tested. So I wrote those thoughts and split them up into singular words so that each guest, in succession, around the tables and through the room, would speak them for me. I think everyone had fun with that way of orating and the 'poem' of sorts ended with Ronnie standing up and projecting the last word with gusto. And to me, it was the crowd, these friends, these families and artists, the couple themselves...this is what made this project happen, they were the ones responsible for allowing me to fulfill this vision.

I've been procrastinating to sit and write about the summation of our shared adventure, because its in my memory almost all at once, as an overwhelming amalgam of people, actions, feelings and facts that coexisted on this tremendous day. I've decided to write in parts, so I can select a topic and talk about just that part. Tif is treating the video presentation of Get Hubbied in the same manner: chapters.

Well before 4, the official start time, I saw people pouring out of their cars in their spiffy duds. We could have done with them being a few minutes late. But, the feeling that came over me was butterflies atop satisfaction with a big dose of anticipation. When I came in Dad, Bolyn and Mom were already getting people involved, leading people to find the books with their names on them, to get a cocktail and to pry off a program from the wall of crystalline forms, by Olivia Prime.

photo by Tyler Hubby

photos by Rose Apodaca

Each shell structure had brightly colored insides with a small rolled up paper inside attached by a jeweled bead - it was like a futuristic clam shell with a pearl inside. The program itself unfurled as a delicate piece of crumpled parchment, like a long lost document. There was a large laminated version for people to reference throughout, and magnifying glasses on all the tables. It was a wonderfully intriguing way to begin. Get Hubbied was happening, like a friendly tsunami - there was no stopping it.

photo by Tyler Hubby

photo by Rose Apodaca

In the small room, which was the lounge and exhibit, I was proud to have my sister's photographs enlarged and on view. They really created the affection-filled atmosphere needed to warm the room, and to tie everything together. The pictures were ones she took when we went on a trip to Europe together a few years back.

photos by Rose Apodaca

People were called to sit and Dave Jones and Kelly Martin began their piece of music. The intro sound was that of a roundly toned, somehow modernized church bell. Dave announced that people should utilize the toy instruments that were already on the tables when prompted. The composition was immediately infective, lilting and unique. People caught on with increasing fervor, and the cacophony of sounds became like a thunder of musical applause - joyous barely captures it.

photo by Rose Apodaca

Then they were calmed and silenced as the slightly romantic song with a dash of country began. Bec and her father walked through to the hearth, a pristine and immaculate circle of fine silver glitter laid on the ground with a delicate strand of broken sparkling glass above, creating a true romance out of humble materials. The glitter itself was meant to be shuffled around and walked over by friends and family, spread throughout the room, touching all guests with part of the wedding itself.

photos by Tyler Hubby

photo by Rose Apodaca

"The hearth is a circle of silver glitter on the floor that the couple walk into to exchange their vows. A string of broken silver glass hangs listening above."
~Terri

He affectionately passed Bec to Ruben for safe keeping. Dave and Kelly delicately sang out over the music with the verse, "Fall to him, rush to her, on this day we'll have our way," repeated just a few times, leaving us wanting more, though it was the appropriate time to give the moment over to the marriage at hand.

Here's the extraordinary result of her work. This is her handwriting -the most amazingly small and ornate handwriting I've ever seen, listing the events of the day into night:

And to give you a closer view of the text:

~Gary & Kathy Ulrich, Jesse & Gracie Diaz and Bettina Hubby are honored to welcome you to the wedding of Bec Ulrich & Ruben Diaz, under the very special care of Get Hubbied

Enjoy the exhibition and cocktail lounge where you will be greeted by Barbara Gillespie and Bolyn Hubby Smith and given the Program by Olivia Prime Take your book (for later) by Bettina Hubby (AKA, BH). On view will be the Architectural drawing by Barbara Bestor Advertisement Design by Mike Slack Invitation Design by Cal Clements and BH

Kate Mayfield & Ade Ratna collaborated on the Table Settings and Aesthetics.

Gordon Bowen made the wine glass holders (masterfully bent forks) Tyler Hubby is the Photographer Video is by Tif Sigfrids, backed by George Porcari The Consultant for the event’s structure is Miguel Nelson

Guests will be called in to find their seat

Wedding March is titled, "Fall to her, rush to him: On this day we’ll have our ways,” by David Jones & Kelly Marie Martin. Gary Ulrich will hand the bride over to Ruben. The Best Man is Ronnie Diaz and Maid of Honor is Sara Cross Garments for the Bride and the Groom are by Bec Ulrich

Sermon is by Joe Sola

Devotional/word/poem by BH Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue, by Kahn & Selesnick

The vows take place on the Hearth by Terri Phillips Bec and Ruben’s Portraits above the mantle are by Abel Baker Gutierrez. ###The ring exchange takes place with Ring Vessel by William Stone. "Cheat sheet vows” inside the garments: BH

Bec & Ruben ascend to their balcony retreat, created by Alison Kudlow & Daveed Kapoor titled, "Silver Carpet: A Sanctuary for Lovers.”

Guests rise and gather outside to view the Rice Throwing by Skip Arnold Car Decoration by Joshua Callaghan. Garter by George Stoll

Dinnertime! Your DJ beckoning you back inside is Joe Williams You will be called in once more to find your seat. The Seating Charts for the dinner are by Christopher James

The trio, "The Boyfriend," Chris Kuhrt, Stephen Schilling and Mark Simon, will perform "I Want to Get Married" when the couple have been seated.

Blessing of meal and marriage by Gary Ulrich, who will also lead the toast. Goblets by Roger Herman Guests may offer their Toasts at this time.

The Marriage Certificate (clone) will come around to the tables for all to sign. Backdrop for guest portraits by Michele O'Marah will be available for a two hour window after dinner.

“The Ballad of Bec and Ruben”, by Samo Hurt, AKA David G.A. Stephenson is presented as the meal is coming to an end, followed by a song by Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs

Time for a couple of choice songs, the first dance being one of them, then a little more dancing The Cake by Karen Lofgren ###Bouquet toss by BH

Dancing resumes.

As you leave, please make sure you’ve signed the Guest Book, by Gerald Davis Get your Favor by Ed Ruscha. One per invitation.

We hope you've had the time of your lives during the time of our lives!

xxx Bec & Ruben and Get Hubbied

With Bec and Ruben one week into their newfound roles as husband and wife we've finally had the chance to let this whole Get Hubbied experience begin to sink in. It's difficult to begin to describe something two years in the making that was over in six hours, especially when those six hours were filled with so many fun, funny, heartwarming, poignant, and outright beautiful moments. For the most part I was behind a video camera trying to capture them the best I could (videos forthcoming) but there are a few observations that I'd like to make before the images start rolling in.

It has been so gratifying to see this vision of Bettina's come to life and I really can't express the joy I had in sharing it with my close friends Bec and Ruben and their wonderful families. Bettina's family was also here to help and to witness the occasion for which we owe them many thanks. I was so impressed with the thoughtfulness of the artist's work as this was coming together and to see it presented in the midst of this real life wedding ceremony made more of an impact then any of us could have imagined. The resonance of each piece truly inspired all of the guests to contemplate exactly what was happening and to think about marriage in a more enlivened way.

I want to take this space to congratulate Bettina and express admiration for following such an unprecedented vision through. This was no easy task, but it was carried through with ease and I can't count the number of people who told me that it was the best wedding they've ever been to. I wholeheartedly agree and feel so glad to have been a part of it. Congratulations Bettina and here's to you Bec and Ruben. ~Tif

Rice throwing piece by Skip Arnold Photo by Tyler Hubby

I am without the proper words to describe how the wedding transpired. My mom, my sister and my dad, were all blessedly there to help and to witness. It reminds me of what Dad would always tell me as a child: to be careful not to take words for granted - to think about why you were saying things like, I'm sorry, I love you, or thank you. I think about this now as I try to find words to describe the culmination of this adventure. I try to find words beyond what you'd expect to hear, and I am still at loss. I will try again tomorrow, but suffice it to say for now, that it was remarkable to see the artists, my family, Bec and Ruben and their families, my close friends who helped pull this off, all in the same place cementing this wedding and event as fact and as affectionate fact. It was loving beyond measure, and strange wondrous artful and emotional intersections occurred.

Most of my days and evenings for many many weeks have been preparing in some way or another for the wedding. Tif had her own Get Hubbied list of things to do as well: divide and conquer! My thought was to have my main list items done by the time Mom, Dad and Sis arrived to help the week before; then, I could impress them with my organization and planning acumen and show them a good time. (It didn't exactly work out that way). Every time I scratched something off, I added something. I am to blame for making things slightly (cough cough) more detailed and time consuming than they really need to be. There are certain aspects I'd planned that sanely had to be let go for the sake of my family's and my sanity. For example, did I really need to make a mobile of ' I DO's' two days before the wedding to adorn the bathrooms. No. Did I really need my wedding present ribbon project to be made into a dress? No. I tend to not let anything alone.

Mom, Dad and Bolyn were running all over the city getting butcher paper, squares of velvet, hardware and craft-ware, this and that, and then attending to Kinko needs, mobile making, silverware packaging, sewing and trouble-shooting etc. There's no true way for them to fathom the depth of my appreciation for coming all this way (Dad and Mom, across country) to be my A Team. The day of install was the most stressful, since it was also the day of the wedding. We were all hard at work from 10-4. I tried to maintain a positive attitude and a air of fun and it worked, mostly. I slipped out in there to get a shower and felt guilty doing so, since Tif, Kate, and the A Team were still working. It came together though, and every hour Dad would proclaim how much time we had left: '3 hours left people!, only 2 hours left now everyone...etc.

At some point you just have to let things go, because the wedding was going to happen, and some details will be unfinished or relinquished.

Bec and Ruben were nervous to meet Barbara, since they were already big fans of her work. I promised to protect them if she was mean. Kidding. She's was and is the opposite of mean. We all fell into a comfortable social exchange that would have lasted a lot less time had she not been having a good time, so that was a good sign. There was a kerfuffle about her computer, lost in action, but its priceless how it was found: via an image off of Ruben's camera from the evening and he noticed it underneath the couch in the photo, and then he called her telling her he'd found it.

I'd approached Barbara about the project, and the architectural aspect of it, after re-reading Thomas Bernhard's Correction. Its not a 'date book' like Fatal Attraction is not a date movie, just to give you some idea of the tone of the book. I wasn't interested in re-capturing the tone, but I was interested in having someone approach the couple in the way the protagonist approaches building a house for his sister in the middle of the forest and how it was manifested. "... his project of constructing an extraordinary habitation, the Cone, as a present for his beloved sister... "

The main character, Roithamer, was a touch obsessed with his sister, and set out on a project to capture her essence as a building, to get her soul down as architecture. It didn't bode well for the character of the sister in the book since the mere sight of the building was too much for her brain to cope with - too much sight into self, but again, this is not the point. Barbara and I talked about capturing the essence of a couple as architecture - a psychological portrait of Bec and Ruben as a house...however loosely or directly she would want to deal with that idea.

Amazing writer to discover, or rediscover, and though not jolly, his mastery of word rhythm and subtle shift in topic. Its like a wave hitting the sand over and over again - the topics in the book (most of his books) are like waves and you don't even notice that the topic is changing - its as if the crest of the wave (topic) gets lost at sea while another germ of an idea gets sucked in from below to add to the body of the wave (topic). Its a rant that brings in new content gradually whilst beating the majority of the content over and over again into your psyche. There's also a potent section of this particular book, Correction, that deals with the empty page, the unfinished work, which I think of as the empty canvas, or whatever empty white or blank space or crumpled piece of paper with a discarded idea, that anyone may want to fill with content or meaning.

After our warm and spirited evening of introduction, Barbara interviewed Bec and Ruben about their relationship and history in a pleasant but thorough way; then we took a tour of the house, top to bottom, including the basement where Bec had recently completed an incredible and surprising sculptural installation (but that's a whole other story but It does remind me of a great piece I want to show her out in Joshua Tree by Noah Purifoy (click here for the website devoted to his life's work).

A couple of days ago, Barbara sent us these images as an entryway into her thoughts about her approach to the project. If anyone wouldn't be intrigued by these images, wake them up, they're asleep.

Larry Eisenberg New York City September 15th, 2011

Getting Hubbied is really worthwhile, I-Doing puts 2 on the aisle, Hubbied for sixty years, My lovely spouse fears Getting Hubbied is now out of style.

http://tmagazine.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/09/15/seeing-things-getting-hubbied/

click here for her pre-thoughts on Get Hubbied

There's no way to express the sadness and shock that ensued at learning that we were sabotaged, within minutes of achieving Get Hubbied's goal for the 10 K fundraising effort, to pay the artists for their work. Imagine that, a group show that pays the artists. That's what I was trying to do.

Someone who called him/herself Roy Roosevelt took back his/her 1K pledge 5 minutes before the deadline. They were able to rescind it so that we lost all pledges thus far. Kickstarter has no protection for this sad turn of events. I think this needs altering. I'm unearthed by the cruelty an individual can impart. But I'm a weeble, and they wobble, but they don't fall down.

Onward forward

With the big day glaring at us from our calendars and screaming, "Hey, I'm only two weeks away!" we started getting serious... buckling down... pouring over the program and pulling out the stopwatch. People call this crunch time, but I've never really liked that expression. Though we're packing a lot into each day, I think we're still managing to have fun and find humor in things. (A glass of wine here or there helps) This past week has been packed with meetings, Barbara Bestor, Joshua Callaghan, Joe Sola, Karen Lofgren and suddenly I'm on the phone all the time with a woman named Alexandra whose making the cake. There have been so many events to blog about, but I thought this space could be better used for comic relief... keep things on the lighter side.

Check out this video! We can only hope something like this doesn't happen on the big day for Get Hubbied (in fact we can almost guarantee it won't since there won't be a body of water anywhere near where our ceremony will be taking place) but we know if there was some sort of wedding folly we'd take it in stride, because that's how we do things here at HubbyCO.

xotif

William, who I've known for years and years. I love saying that - I think its something to do with being an army brat - that I have made roots here enough to say words like 'years and years', or 'a decade of friendship'. I was working for the gem of a space, Roth Horowitz Anderson, which ended up a waste of money into in Glenn Horowitz's impatient opinion - and so he pulled out of California and abandoned the venture to go back to his New York space where he sells rare books and ephemera. I moved on after collecting unemployment for as long as I could, but have fond memories of my accomplishments and help to make the shows we did have worthwhile and memorable. William owned and operated William Dailey Rare Books, on Melrose Ave, and I befriended him - and it stuck.

I've been fortunate enough to have been able to go and stay in a beautiful oasis in Desert Hot Springs called the Hacienda Hot Springs that he renovated from a run-down-strip-mall-of-a-hotel into what it is now. Its tapped into the natural warm waters of the earth for its pools, and the oasis was created by his own hand with foliage and landscaping and details with such incredible taste and touch.

He has gifted the couple with a three night stay at his inn the week after the wedding. This is something I know R&B were pained about - that they didn't know how to afford the getaway, that is, I think, so important for a couple to have after all this build-up, production and fruition. They will get to rest and soak and process the adventure that will have been seen through. Here is the website - it is a special place and a getaway not far from LA:

click here

Today Tif and I visited Roger Herman. I'd worked for Roger, indirectly, when I worked at Black Dragon Society years and years ago. He had become more engaged with his artwork at that point, so I'd see him rarely. But when he did involve himself, it was always engaging. He and Hubert Schmalix were quite the dynamic duo.They were the first gallery to open, the first pilgrims, of the Chinatown art scene.

Today it was full immersion at his studio. His work was everywhere. It's tapped into all the quadrants of the space with imagery that is both brutal and joyful. He was working on a book project with Laura Owens, and as I gathered he only needed 20 images for the project at most and there was a tsunami of imagery that will be whittled to a chosen few.

He'd finished the goblets. They are beautiful, emotive and whimsical, aggressive and quiet, etc. They are goblets, but are certainly exaggerated, and not based on any platonic ideal of a goblet. He's good at stark contrasting everything's. I am torn as to show Bec and Ruben the works as they are finished but I've decided to surprise in equal amounts to reveal - these will be reveal.

To slightly diverge from the path, I would like to mention my admiration of the structure of Roger's own relationship. The literal architecture of it reminds me of Diego Riviera and Frieda Kahlo who had two separate houses connected by a corridor. It didn't work so well for them due to who knows how many complications (some known), but I am inspired by the arrangement and think it would work perfectly for many, but especially for me. Roger and Aika have two houses that are connected; they each are the king, and queen respectively. Its important to maintain individuality in a relationship, and in this way they come together as individuals, and have their own environments to escape to, work in, and be alone in. My admiration and advertisement of this arrangement is subjective, I realize.

A couple of nights ago R&B, Tif and I met Michele at The Center for the Arts. There was a rock n' roll show that was commencing when we got there though, and it too much leaked in on our conversation, so we scuttled in to the kitchen, shut the door, and talked over the now muffled din of guitar and amplifier. You never know what you'll encounter if you drop in at the Center - it could be kid's yoga, films, noise baths, lectures, animation, art and crafts - they embrace it all. I feel fated and fortunate to have landed here.

We'd initially thought it might be interesting to have the backdrop for guests portraits take place in the elevator. The guests would get in, backdrop behind them, and be transported to the basement - the door would open and the camera would flash at that moment; a moment unawares. I do love that idea, but when Michele began talking about using the main large window as her stage, and the backdrop for the photos, the more cohesive and natural and idea it became. That prominant window wasn't being utilized in the least, and Michele will take it over as it begins to get dark outside. It will create a focus for that room, and the imagery she'll be working with will be projected so that a colorful and potent illumination will be core to the room. I do want the guests to be engaged with each other throughout the day into the night. People will be looking on as others are photographed and that will promote conversation and participation via visual stimulation. That's the ticket, as they say.

I did ask Geoff last week if there was any way he could/would mention the project in his column to help get some traffic to the site, since we only have 7 days with our Kickstarter fundraising (which mark my words, I will never ever do again). I was flabbergasted, encouraged and touched that his post this week was practically all about Get Hubbied in his characteristically knowledgeable and charming voice. I feel honored. He sees more art and is devoted to it more than most people I know. So, a little mutual appreciation club is formed here and now.

For his Notes on Looking this week click here

its not quite up on their website yet, but the LA Gallery, The Country Club, will be housing a show about the infamous couple who's unique, controversial, powerful, and to some, disturbing approach to their art and their relationship resonate to this day.

I remember meeting Flanagan in NY at the New Museum show where he was laid out in a makeshift hospital room inside the museum, suffering in the late stages of cystic fibrosis, but in character, sharing his physical inclinations and suffering as art. All visitors to the show were invited to go in and talk to him about anything they wished. I went into the room, and there he was with tubes coming out of him, a respirator, and all the medical accoutrements that accompanies his condition. I began chatting with him. He welcomed my naive questions and made me feel comfortable to talk about whatever came to mind. He told me of the first time he acted on his compulsion to be controlled/constricted. When he was a child he used to crawl into the washing machine wrapped in a blanket and stay there for inordinate periods of time. It calmed him. He found, much later in life, a mate in Sheree who was the perfect ying to his yang, so to speak - he spoke of his relationship with such reverence but also with a clarity and intellect that made his, what were to me severe, choices, illuminated.

Here is the press release to this show:

Bob Flanagan and Sheree Rose: The Wedding of Everything September 8 – October 8, 2011 Opening Reception Thursday September 8, 7 – 9 pm

Country Club | Los Angeles is pleased to present The Wedding of Everything, an exhibition of sculpture, photographs, installation, and video by Bob Flanagan and Sheree Rose. The exhibit highlights Flanagan’s groundbreaking resume of performance and visual art, as well as Flanagan and Rose’s collaboration as artists and as life partners. The Wedding of Everything offers a rare opportunity to view seminal work by one of the founding fathers of body and performance art, punctuated by landmark sculptures not seen since Flanagan and Rose’s museum survey Visiting Hours at the Santa Monica Museum of Art in 1992, followed by the New Museum in 1994. Major works include Flanagan’s “Gurney of Nails”, “Waiting Room”, and “Child’s Playroom”, all created in 1992.

The title The Wedding of Everything comes from a book of poems Flanagan published by Sherwood Press in 1983, featuring the poem of the same name. This piece will be integrated with objects in the exhibition. The cover of the book is a photograph of Flanagan throwing a bouquet into the air just as the flowers are leaving his hand. As with other works by Flanagan and Rose, The Wedding of Everything acts as a metaphor for the mixtures of themes in their work and lives: beautiful poetry mixed with S&M imagery; the celebration of life touched with the reality of death; people loving and working together to celebrate existence.

An artist, poet, performer, writer, and musician, Bob Flanagan was born in New York City in 1952 and moved to Los Angeles in 1958. He graduated from Costa Mesa High School, and received his BA from Long Beach State University. In the 1980’s and early 1990’s he helped popularize a style of performance that is now known as endurance art. He suffered from cystic fibrosis, a genetic disease that typically kills before adulthood. Bob was said by doctors to be one of the longest-living survivors, passing away at age 43. Flanagan attributed his ability to manage the pain and prolong his life by adhering to his credo “fight pain with pain.” Working with his partner and dominatrix, Sheree Rose, Flanagan explored ritualized pain as a means to absorb the punishment of the disease and to find a space that could bring a measure of peace.

Sheree Rose was born in Los Angeles, CA. She obtained her Master’s degree in psychology in the late 70’s, and was extremely involved in political activism and The Women’s Movement. She and Flanagan met at a Halloween party in 1980 and began collaborating in life and on artwork. She received a second Masters Degree in Studio Art from UCI. Since Flanagan’s death, she has exhibited new work “Bobaloon” in Tokyo, Japan, as well as other works at The Tate in London. She created a performance piece entitled “Nailed Again” at Arizona State University and Galapagos in New York. Rose continues to explore and collaborate with performance artists and recently performed in London with artist Martin O’Brien. A video of this piece will be screened as well.

Bob Flanagan and Sheree Rose have exhibited at Beyond Baroque, Los Angeles, Los Angeles Contemporary Exhibitions, Otis College of Art and Design, California Institute for the Arts, Santa Monica Museum, Exit Art, The New Museum, and P.S. 1 in New York, the Musée d´art Moderne et Contemporain, Geneva, Switzerland, and more recently at the Tate Liverpool, the KW Institute for Contemporary Art, Berlin, and the Hamburg Kunsthalle in Hamburg, Germany. Their video collaboration “100 Reasons” with Mike Kelley has been shown in museums and galleries throughout the world including LACMA & Jeu de Paume in Paris. They have been the subject of pieces written in REsearch magazine, The Los Angeles Times, Village Voice and numerous other publications. Flanagan is the subject of Sick: The Life and Death of Bob Flanagan, winner at the Sundance Film Festival in 1997. He is also featured in music videos directed by Jonathan Reiss for Danzig, Nine Inch Nails, and Mind Bomb. Flanagan and Rose are represented by Country Club and Western Project.

Country Club www.countryclubprojects.com info@countryclubprojects.com 7561 Sunset Blvd. Los Angeles, California 90046

I saw a film many years ago, I can't remember the name of it, but it was about a married man with two kids in a very rural town who worked in a factory, and a very stereotypical manly factory it was. He began to have no other choice, not a minute more, but to reveal his true nature to his wife (Jessica Lang maybe?) - that he was a woman trapped in his male body. He'd always felt female , but his life, other people's expectations and the hardship of going against those expectations of him kept him from revealing himself. As we all know, a small lie becomes a bigger, thicker darker lie, and much harder to unravel. A wife, two kids and a macho job later he began cracking at the seams - he had to reveal herself to his wife, and there was heartbreak, but they stayed married, and together. The scenes when he began to wear make-up and earrings to work were searingly painful to witness. His friends rejected him, made fun of him out of their own weakness' and fear. He still loved his wife, did not want to be with men, but urgently needed to become more of a she than a he, otherwise he couldn't have gone on living. His wife went a bit nuts, fell apart, but soon came back with a strong resolve to support him. Though gut wrenching for them both they stayed together as a couple through the cosmetic phase of him dressing as a woman, to him becoming more of one physically through surgery. They revealed this truth to their kids and remained a family through the children's confusion and eventual acceptance. They stayed together through this, and beyond, as married partners. This article brought back what I felt from this film - of sadness and difficulties rife with love and visa versa. If anyone complains about having a difficult hurdle or hurdles in their marriage, I woud ask them to consider how hard this particular situation must be, and to be in awe of this kind of love.

click here

click here
Thanks again to cousin Tyler for the link

This past week was chock full of solitude and its opposite. I met with Skip Arnold at the CFA to go over his progress, veerings and thoughts. He needs someone to help him construct the apparatus with which he will activate the action of his 'rice throw' and I say rice throw loosely.

He has a back-up plan, but I must say, it veers quite far from his personality and working style, that I hardly recognize it as his...but that's not to say its not a good idea. Its very romantic. Let's just put it that way. Its up to him ultimately which direction he takes. I didn't mean to steer him away from romance, but I must say I preferred the more 'Skip' of the two ideas.

Michele O'Marah and I met the next day at the site. Originally it was talked about that she might use the basement and elevator to stage her portrait studio. After walking through the event through with her though, the more interesting it became to have her in the center of the action - an after dinner interactive activity. I liked the idea of the guests going to the basement to have their picture taken, but right in front of the main window as it gets darker, upping the atmosphere with her backdrop and lighting more powerful, and more fun for all the guests. She want that spot too, so the stars are aligning.

Mark Simon came over to my studio and showed me a DVD of The Boyfriend performing two numbers. We hadn't met in an awfully long time, but I knew in my gut when he brought up the idea a year or so ago, that the trio of crooners, three older gay men singing " I just want to get married, would be an interesting and needed addition and balance to our group - and to address the very real very sad issue at hand, that gays in LA can not have each other's in marriage, YET. The two numbers I saw were remakes of 1950's songs of lovers gone to war. The trio sing so well, have a charming, atmospheric, fun and meaningful act.

Bec and I met with Chris and after touring around his chalky waxy surfishly mappish studio, we sat drinking pink lemonade. I say those adjectives since we didn't really have a studio visit, but a studio breeze-through, a coversation around the work, but not about it directly, and it left those impressions, and they stuck with me. Maps and resonances of maps, paintings that were map-like and charts that seemed like they should be maps were interspersed throughout the surf carcasses. These strewn and stacked once-were, remodeled or board-like boards, sanded and monumental had a casual quality, a confidence, that said to me that it was art without having to say it was art. He even remarked that some people are scared to combine one's passions with the way in which one makes art. He has a passion for hiking, and painting, surfing and climbing, mapping and sculpting, writing and charting etc, and he's not afraid to bring the acts of one into the acts of another. Chris has a way of talking that makes you want to listen closely - smarts that are more than evident without pretense, and a way of giving you entry to his complexities with friendliness. It was all a solid armature for the conversation we had overlooking the garden about the wedding's seating charts.

Chris wanted to know how important it was for Bec and Ruben to have control over who sat where. The conversation went from no, its not important, to well, it is somewhat important, at least for the family's sake, to witness the ceremony together - to share those moments that will outlast the day. He's got the backbone of a plan in place in which the way in which the charts fit together, not unlike a puzzle, would be the way to discover where a guest would sit. We germinated on the family issue of togetherness, and Bec came up with a brilliant solution, so that Chris' idea maintained its strength, and so the family would witness the core ceremony moments together. There will be two seatings. The ceremony seating will have the family's spots demarcated, and the dinner seating will be completely in Chris' care and will mix the friends and families together. We are after all a wonderful mosh of Bec and Ruben's family and friends, the artists, and my family and friends - and some crossovers, by the end of the day there will be sure to be more melding of all.

Some people just show up, surprise and delight - and boy did I need some delight. Here is the post Asuka did when she received her invitation in the mail:
click here

Bike It: Portraits of my Bicipandilla by Kelly Marie Martin August 18, 2011 – October 2, 2011, Curated by Irene Tsatsos
145 North Raymond Avenue, Pasadena, CA 91103-3921

Please support our esteemed, co-wedding march composer, Kelly Marie Martin
Bike It: Portraits of my Bicipandilla by Kelly Marie Martin features black-and-white photographic portraits, taken with a 4x5 camera, of riders in her “bicipandilla,” or bicycle gang, with their bikes.

Here's a quote from the LA Weekly article: "Bicycle gangs are nothing new. I was the leader of the Hills Angels when I was a kid. We didn’t do anything sinister. We just played "Yakety Sax" loud on our ghetto blasters and rode really fast in a straight line. Artist Kelly Marie Martin, on the other handlebar, has collected a series of her black-and-white photographic portraits of riders in her bicipandilla, or bicycle gang. The images were taken with a nice big 4x5 camera — the bulky kind with the bellows formerly used to catch images of Old West outlaws on their way to oblivion."

Here are a few pics of Bec and Ruben meeting Kelly at her show, as well as her husband Ben, who is generously donating the beer for the wedding. Oh, the beer conversation was way above my head, but let's just say there's going to be a lot of Ben's beer being well appreciated at this wedding.

Again, I was thrilled to witness the instant camaraderie between Bec, Ruben, Kelly and Ben. The show was warm and inviting, and the portraits revealed a community, a lot of them at the opening, who bond over one thing. Its a stronger community than I'd imagined, and all the people featured had a strong air about them - that they are grounded to the earth, literally, more than most.

Here's the link to the LA Weekly article: click here

click here to download the Press Release

We are all of two minds, we just hope to collide with others, whose other mind isn't like oil and water to our other mind. Its not easy, and there is no formula to prevent chaos, but this article is poignant re: how one reacts to any one thing - the choices we make that make things either really difficult, or easier, but we have to take a feather off of our own peacock tail in order to do so, which I know, is not easy. I am a Taurus, and I hear, we are stubborn.
click here

Waiting for Brainard" is a short movie based on "The Bakery Girl of Monceau" by Eric Rohmer (1963)

This past Monday, Art Catalogues and Dagny Corcoran at LACMA presented: George Porcari, and Tif Sigfrids as they screened their collaborative film "Waiting for Brainard." following the original Rohmer film, but not before a comfortably long popcorn and wine break. The room was full of beanbags and little camping stools. The friendliness this created immediately made it more intimate instead of formal and dry, as some screenings and panel discussions can be. I know you know what I'm talking about.

Tif and George took the Rohmer film and did a gender and location switch, with a smattering of content revision. It was set in Silver Lake, an area I am well acquainted with since I have lived there for 11 years. The narrator was Hedi El Kholti, and his voice served as the (very French) main character's internal monologue, the main character being Tif. It was fascinating to see the two films back to back, since so much was changed, but the backbone of text remained the same while the man's voice was still a man's voice but the main character was a woman whose thoughts were projected by Hedi's characteristic sensual drawl. Very disconcerting and affective. Here is Hedi flanked by two very attractive women:

Here is a synopsis of the original Rohmer film from criterion.com: Simple, delicate, and jazzy, the first of the “Moral Tales” shows the stirrings of what would become the Eric Rohmer style: unfussy naturalistic shooting, ironic first-person voice-over, and the image of the “unknowable” woman. A law student with a roving eye and a large appetite stuffs himself full of sugar cookies and pastries daily in order to garner the attentions of the pretty brunette who works in a quaint Paris bakery. But is he truly interested, or is she just a sweet diversion?

In Tif and George's version the man was a woman, the pastries were Kombucha's, a popular health tonic, and Paris was Silver Lake. It was funny and thought provoking. I'd remembered the Rohmer character as unfeeling and cruel from when I'd seen it a while back. The Silver Lake version seemed so much more friendly and not as mean. Seeing the Rohmer again that night I realized the reason I remembered it as cruel was that the main character was very physically forceful on the object of his whims, the bakery girl. Tif's character was persistent, but not physical at all, and smiling much of the time. And here is George standing near a foreigner:

gallery/images/L1000902.jpg)

It was a spirited event, and I think people really connected to the motivations of the filmmakers. It was followed by a discussion between the filmmakers and Russell Ferguson, Chair of the Art Department at UCLA. Here is a picture of Russell, Tif and Hedi after the screenings:

Cast: Hedi El Kholti Tif Sigfrids Bradney Evans Kate Wolf Christopher Michael Stewart

music by Chris Stroffolino

http://www.youtube.com/wat?ch?v=1F4H3OH78sQ

This past Saturday HubbyCo had the pleasure of attending the first official celebration in the train of celebrations leading up to the blow-out celebration at the end of September. Bec and Ruben’s close friends Morgan, Caitlin, and Annette organized the shower that took place in the backyard (which felt like a private park) of Annette and her husband Skip (who provided homemade beer for the occasion). Not a detail was left unconsidered. From the R&B wine labels to a personalized play list of songs, everything was chosen according to Bec and Ruben’s taste and the whole evening was a reflection of the warmth and joy that they radiate as a couple.

HubbyCo’s own, Tif Sigfrids, was in charge of entertainment for the evening that began with an abbreviated six question live version of the Newlywed Game, which was entertaining indeed. A highlight was Bec’s response “Sigur Ros” to the question of which movie star Ruben would choose to be married to. The audience was stunned by the suspicion that Ruben would want to wed an entire band of Icelandic musicians, but we’re pretty sure that lines just got crossed somewhere.

Artist George Porcari who was in attendance filming the event, commented later that it was the best wedding shower he had ever been too, “Like the last scene in Minnie and Moscowitz.” This said in reference to the barefoot dancing in the lawn during a set of music performed by Tif and Oakland based musician, Chris Stroffolino.

We can’t tell you how much we’re looking forward to the dancing and continuation of this celebration that will commence on September 25 and we’d also like to mention that Ruben can’t wait to be married to Bec. Sigur Ros will not be in attendance for the grand occasion of Get Hubbied.

Last weekend the Get Hubbied team met Ed Ruscha at Aardvark Letterpress to oversee the production of the favors Ed designed for the project. Aardvark has been nestled in the MacArthur Park neighborhood of Los Angeles since 1968. The press was founded by Luis Ocon and all of the letterpress printing is performed onsite by Luis, his sons Brooks and Cary, and their lead pressman, Oscar Gomez.

We were all sorts of rewarded to see the first finished favor come off the press after a two-step process that involved first di-cutting a couple of choice words into a thick piece of recycled paper. Bill Berkuta was our esteemed and masterful pressman in charge of this unique project. He's been in the business for 40 years (and counting) and was a pleasure to work with; he took great care with every single piece and due to the thickness and variance between each sheet, it took patience. The paper, and its hard to call it that due to its object meatiness, was handmade by Martha Starke from upstate NY. Bettina found her to work with after a long search, lots of digital ink back and forth and many samples sent and discussed. The second step was the letterpressing of a phrase below the die-cut. It just seems plain ole' wrong to describe this in any more detail - it just has to be seen to be appreciated, and I don't want to give it away, not unlike all of the other works the participating artists are making. Every couple/indivudual/family invited to the wedding will get one of these gems, and one of them will be in the exhibition opening the 2nd week of October (exact date to be announced soon). So, you'll just have to come and see the show.

Once again, Mr. Ruscha pulls through with a witty punch line, while at the same time giving us pause to think about the absurd reality and haunting reverberence of words.

People left and right are getting married, but we're certain here at HubbyCo, that the celebration we've concocted around the exchange of words is going to be the most special of the 5918 other ceremonies that are predicted to take place on the same day: September 25th. The whole journey is special, such as working with artists like Ed, but also getting to work with people like those at Aardvark and to be momentarily immersed into worlds otherwise off our radar - it fills us with immense pleasure, pride and anticipation to see the final culmination of everyone's efforts.

Click here for the article Congrats to Abel! Go see the show! Its up until August 27th.

Luis De Jesus Los Angeles, 2525 Michigan Ave., F2, Santa Monica, (310) 453-7773, Closed Sun. and Mon. www.luisdejesus.com

Another welcoming spread of vittles for Tyler by our gracious couple. It was another cohesive cohesion of personalities. I am lucky to be related to Tyler by blood, but luckier still to have him as a cohort in creative endeavors, and this is seeming to be a collaboration sent from above seeing that he is not only a film editor, filmmaker and photographer of merit, but also one who with his own Hubby, Gabriella Tollman, is forging a side business venture of event photography, weddings being one of the subjects of that venture.

Bec and Ruben's families are going to be blessed by his pictorial attention to the forging of families and the emotions beset by such. They showed him images of their clans and he made them comfortable with his approach to this project, which put their needs and respect for their families at the forefront. I have asked him to edit the results of his photos so that he is more the artist for the exhibition that precludes the wedding. But this way, the family wins, the couple wins, and Get Hubbied wins. Its a win win win.

In a recent story coming out of Southern France, a very young bride to be was kidnapped and said to have gone missing for several days. Witnesses gave accounts of seeing her being lead away from a park and into a BMW by a companion associated with the abduction. The kidnapping became a national news story and sightings of this bride to be were reported from places as far away as Switzerland and Belgium. In the end her family confessed to having been a part of the kidnapping, a Chechen wedding tradition that involves a grooms family taking the bride away a few days prior to her wedding.

I thought it a strange tradition and inquired further into Chechen rituals. There were other strange ones. During the third day of a traditional Chechen wedding festival guests are lead to a river where they through cornmeal pancakes into the water. Next the guests take guns and shoot at the pancakes, after which the bride draws a bucket of water from the river and the wedding party goes home. Some symbolism is easier to determine then others. Evidently as the guests are shooting an alleged water sprite rises to the surface to try and eat a pancake. Proceeding this water sprite homicide, the river has been cleansed and determined a safe place to visit.

In this light, the kidnapping seems completely rational. For more Chechen wedding traditions, look here

Bec, Ruben, Tif and I met George at his home away from home, a French cafe where they serve coffees as big as your head. When we met with the former couple he'd gone in another direction in thoughts for the piece due to their preference not to have anything performative or worn on the leg. Bec actually suggested we use the bar as a platform for the enactment of the garter being thrown after being taken from her leg, so that everyone would be able to see it clearly. Both of them encouraged George to go in any direction that made sense for him/inspired him, and were open to celebrate the baudy history of the object. He will make two pieces - one to be thrown to the single men (lucky dude who catches it), and one for the couple to keep. The history of the the garter is the most sexual wedding ritual dating back to the 1500s, where the wedding party would take or attack her to rip off parts of the brides clothing off as the couple retired to the bedroom - a symbol for the loss of her virginity. It evolved, or devolved depending on your point of view, over the ages to the watered down version of today, though still quite sexual in that the groom takes it from the brides thigh in front of the wedding party.

To remind you, Here are a few slightly varying tellings of the ritual's origin:

I will quote Wikipedia - since it is succinct with the definition:

A garter is often worn by newlywed brides. It is the groom's privilege to remove the garter and toss it to the male guests. The symbolism to deflowering is unambiguous. Historically, this tradition also relates to the belief that taking an article of the bride's clothing would bring good luck. As this often resulted in the destruction of the bride's dress, the tradition arose for the bride to toss articles of clothing to the guests, including the garter. Another superstition that has circulated is the male equivalent of the bride throwing her bouquet to the unmarried ladies, i.e., the unmarried male wedding guest who successfully caught the garter was believed to be the next man to be headed to the altar from the group of single men at that wedding.

and from thegartergirl.com:

The wedding garter is said to be one of the oldest wedding traditions, dating back to the Dark Ages. After the wedding festivities, guests would accompany the bride and groom up to their bedroom to ensure that they arrived safely and to wish them well.  It was considered good luck for a guest to take home a little piece of the brides clothing.

Over time, this ritual evolved into a wild wedding night romp where guests would tackle the bride, ripping her clothes off hoping for a piece of her attire. (It is also said that wedding guests did this to “help” the new couple along.) In the melee, the garter, which at that time was used to hold up a woman’s stockings, would get tossed and it was considered good luck for whoever caught it. Whoever caught the garter was the next to be married. 

One more from Wynn Austin Fine Weddings and Events:

The garter toss is one of the oldest customs surviving wedding rituals. The garter toss became common at weddings in the 1500s in France. Originally, it was related to the concept of consummation of the marriage. The bridal party would approach the bride and groom’s bedroom for proof that the deed was accomplished. They would then take an item of the bride’s clothing for good luck. This was often the garter used to hold up the bride’s stockings. The groomsman who retrieved the garter would then wear it in his hat for the remainder of the wedding celebration.

During the nineteenth century, as brides and grooms became uncomfortable with visitors in their chambers, the tradition evolved to that of the bride tossing her garter to the groomsmen before the end of the reception.  However, the men would often become violent competing for the garter and would sometimes tear at the bride’s dress or even flip her upside down to take the garter off before she had a chance.  Finally, the ritual changed to include the groom gaining full rights to the garter removal. This protected the bride from potential injury and put the onus on the groom to declare consummation of the marriage.

As the big day draws closer, the list of things we need to think about grows longer. I'm sure this is the case for any couple getting married, but as our strategy for making a wedding is drastically different than all others, we're pretty sure that we're having more fun, and unique fun at that. Whereas most brides would be pulling pages out of a Martha Stewart magazine, or pulling out their hair, we're meeting with artists to talk about their ideas for the flowers, the program, and just about everything else. These past few weeks have been like a studio visit train and the ride continues...

Bec, Ruben, Tif and I had the pleasure of visiting Skip Arnold and Olivia Prime (a married couple as it so happens) in their studio recently to check in on the progress of their pieces. Skip will make a work based on the tradition of throwing rice as the couple leave the ceremony. Olivia will be making the program. We're not going to spoil any surprises here, but we will confess our excitement for the ideas they've been brewing. I will however tell you that Skip had originally proposed a very romantic, somewhat uncharacteristic piece wherein the bride and groom leaving the ceremony would break through a thin sheet of water barracading the exit. Their exit would be filmed and the slow motion moment of breakage would be the piece. I loved it...fairly shivered with delight, but after talking it through with Bec and Ruben after he'd proposed an alternate idea, we decided to go with the latter, since it is more Skip-like, and I want the works to reflect their makers. Olivia will be making an interactive program - one in which each program will be like a single cell in a beehive, and as guests arrive and take their own proam, the structure will change, shrink and disassemble. It's brilliant. Thanks Skip and Olivia for the invitation to a lively cocktail hour in your studio.

Last week we met with Karen Lofgren who is making the cake, Get Hubbied style. Originally we asked Karen to approach the cake topper sculpturally; it usually depicts a figurine of both bride and groom in full wedding attire. She proposed to also design the cake itself, and with my blessing and to our delight did so in the most singular way. What artist doesn't think about their podium? Again, we're not going to give anything away, but what we can say is that this is going to be a rare dessert - 'one-of-a-kind' does not do it justice.

This weekend we're meeting with artists George Stoll and next week, Tyler Hubby.

I'd been treated to some prime seats for the Dodgers last weekend (or do you say: this past weekend?) So I brought Bec, Ruben and Tif to enjoy yet another unlikely Get Hubbied meeting.

Anyway, I was struck by the escalating romantic messages scrolling across digital fields meant for advertisements for beer, insurance, junk food and sports paraphernalia. People proposing to each other on the really big, really public screen...and not in front of, at least at the first look, a romantic crowd. There must be some pull to exclaim your love over the 'wires' and so here it was, and honestly, I got a bit choked up watching them all pixilated and hugging, but sweet on each other with rings and yes's.

And the Dodgers actually came up from bland, and zero to zero to zero, in the 9th inning scored twice from a really good hit. I don't know the lingo, but suffice it to say, I got caught up in the moderate amount of whooping, as did my cohorts.

I treated my crowd of four to a little celebratory bling:

Its hard to keep up with all the Get Hubbied artist's accomplishments, but its fun to try and also to bump into them in the ether. Enjoy the set:
click here

Here is a photograph R&B found online to include in a thank you letter to Cal:

And here is a sneak preview of the invitation design. Cal did the drawings and it is all his handwriting. I curated, cut and pasted both image and text into the actual invite design, which is meaningful to me, since Cal and I have collaborated on a children's book together, a mail-art project, and have been pen-pals for over 20 years. This is adding to the stream of collaborations past and future.

the rsvp card

the back of the invitation envelope

Click here for a mighty nice mention in the LA Times last Saturday by Christopher Knight re: her piece in The Home Show in Santa Barbara

Yesterday I was sitting in the car with Bec and Bettina, waiting to meet Tom Peters (a friend of Hubby's in the catering business) and it dawned on me that whether or not Bec was getting Hubbied, I'd still be sitting in her car waiting to meet the caterer. Bec and I have been close friends since she moved to LA seven years ago and so when she and Ruben became the official Get Hubbied couple, I was not only excited to be working with these positively radiant people, I had the double pleasure of being able to spend this time helping to make a dear friends wedding really special.

As we were leaving the meeting with Tom Peters and in the car heading to a studio visit with Skip Arnold and Olivia Prime, two artists in the project, Bettina and Bec and I were celebrating the future of what we've pre-determined will be the best wedding imaginable. Skip and Olivia present an interesting dynamic to the project because they are recently married to each other. So in addition to hearing ideas for their pieces in the project we were able to ask them questions about their own marriage... a prevailing topic here at HubbyCo.

We filmed the meeting and will use parts in an upcoming video that we'll be using to launch a Kickstarter campaign. Stay tuned for that and in the mean time enjoy your summer. We're definitely enjoying ours!

A delightful read on Abels' work (portrait artist for Get Hubbied) by Geoff Tuck, Notes on Looking.

"Where the hell will you be on Saturday, July 23? Say it aloud with me: “I’m going to Bergamot!”yesterday and I am excited. Try to repress an excited Geoffrey.

Abel Baker Gutierrez has an exhibition opening at Luis de Jesus in Bergamot on July 23. Swimming, Gutierrez’ show is called, and its opening coincides with Shoshana Wayne’s getting-to-be-notorious Christian Cumming-Doug Harvey-curated madhouse of an exhibition, Chain Letter. Where the hell will you be on Saturday, July 23? Say it aloud with me: “I’m going to Bergamot!”

Ooh. Abel Baker G is showing a video, too. Guaranteed to raise the ire of someone out there, these images and a film of troublingly, if quietly, sexualized Boy Scouts and boys playing. It’s funny how context has become everything for us today – as the press release points out Thomas Eakins made similar images. He’s ok, a hero even. But he did it then, when we can presume an innocent audience. (Or can we?) And Eakins wasn’t queer. (Or was he?) And we (or “Them,” depending on your point of view) are more advanced and sophisticated about these things. (And also our culture has become a culture of implacable moralizers. Huh. Are we more advanced and sophisticated? Hell – I’m not. I haven’t even figured out Joseph Kosuth yet.)"

Do attend Abel's upcoming show:

Swimming JULY 23 – AUGUST 27, 2011

Artist Reception: Saturday, July 23, 5-8pm Luis De Jesus 2525 Michigan Ave., Bergamot Station F2 Santa Monica, CA http://www.luisdejesus.com/

I went to see Terri's show at the WPA, and hope those of you who are in LA will go to see it before it closes on the 16th of July. It is, as she is, an ethereal and haunting visual poem about the American Civil War battle of Shiloh (Tennessee in 1862) which was the bloodiest battle in US history at that time. There is a piece (my favorite) made of shattered red glass on the floor that represents the waters there were indelibly and psychologically stained by the blood of soldiers and their horses. Terri has a great talent for representing complex texts and ideas with eerie, haunting and always beautiful objects and images.

Terri will be translating the 'hearth' of the wedding - the place on which the couple will stand to get married. She will most likely make a piece that will resemble the red glass piece in her current show but it is sure to be the psychological opposite, representing the lives bonded together with hope.

Here is the video invitation to her show, filmed by John Pearson
the photo within the photo is by Raymond Doherty:

Terri Phillips | The Bloody Pond | WPA from fil ruting on Vimeo.

WPA 510 Bernard St. LA CA 90012 Gallery hours: Open 12-6pm, Saturday and Sunday or by appointment.

Here at HubbyCo, we were so excited by the recent news that New York would become the sixth (and largest state) to allow gay marriage. Only 44 more to go! We dug up this article in The Onion, satirically written in 2083, which scoffs at the notion that at some point in distant US history, gays and lesbians had to fight for their constitutional right to wed. Someday we're sure that equal rights will be a given, but in the meantime we'll celebrate each small victory along the way. Thanks to the people of New York who fought to make this happen.

To read article click here

I just got back from a weekend in Vegas, I thought I'd just show this image instead of any images of unhealthy Americans, saran-wrapped dresses and tiny shorts, vile colored drinks, the sound of people/s savings clinking down the tubes, karaoke wars, sloppy drunk mating hoots, smoking indoors, and lots of brown food.

As you may have already heard, Bettina's work is on view now in Santa Barbara as part of the Home Show Revisited, an exhibition put on by the Contemporary Arts Forum. The show partners homeowners with artists who are presented with the challenge of making a site-specific work. Bettina and I made numerous trips to SB during the time spent preparing for the show and given our friendly nature got to know Doug and Marian McKenzie (whose house Bettina's work is residing at now) quite well. We were struck by the freshness of their marriage and their life in general. There never seems to be a dull moment at the McKenzie house, which we tried to capture in this short video interview that explores their thoughts on marriage. Enjoy.

To watch interview, click here

Check this out ladies and gents. Our very own William Stone, the artist making the ring container, is being trumpeted (rightly so) for his recent show, FRAMED, that just closed at James Fuentes LLC in New York:

click here

Upon returning from a loving trip to see my family where they spoiled me rotten, I was met with such progress from Bec and Ruben regarding the workings of Get Hubbied. First I will say, simply and grandly, that they are taking such interest in each and every artist working on this project. They went to see Nicholas Kahn's show at Kopeikin Gallery a couple of weeks ago, they invited Roger Herman to their house last week, and over this weekend went to see the installation by Barbara Bestor at SCARC, as well as to correspond with artists, and complete all of the things I'd asked them to with more care and kindness than I could have imagined. I'll never get sick of this behavior, that's for sure!

Again, here is the link to the Bestor exhibit, up through the 26th of this month: click here

and here is a couple of pics:

Here's an excerpt from a letter they wrote to Nicholas Kahn, who is making the piece for Old New Borrowed Blue:

"Nicholas, it was so great to meet you at your opening at Kopeikin Gallery in Culver City.

We know exactly why Bettina picked you for this project. The way you both portray old and new is simply awe inspiring... Here are our ideas for something blue:

Bec: I'm not sure if my idea will work for what you both had in mind so please let me know and I can figure out something else. I have two very special pieces of family jewelry from my Grandparents, one on my Mom's side and one on my Dad's side that I would like to use for this collaboration. Each of these pieces have a birthstone that represents the 3 generations of my family.

This is a letter from my mother when I asked her if she had any ideas. Please note anything in () is me explaining how each person relates to me.

Dear Bec,

It is with great joy that Dad and I share with you 2 pieces of family jewelry for your, 'Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.' The family ring belonged to Grandma Newberry (My Mom's Mom). We gave it to her for her birthday when you were small; it has a stone for each member of our family except her (My Grandmother). The family tie-bar belonged to Grandpa Ulrich (My Dad's Dad). It has a stone for each member of Dad's family except Grandpa and myself (my Dads Dad and my mother). Each piece of jewelry has a blue stone in it. They are for Sara (my Sister and Bridesmaid) whose birthday is in March (an aquamarine). These are a gift to you. You may use them how ever you like. We love you and know that you will appreciate these gifts of your heritage.

Love, Dad and Mom

Bec: These two pieces of jewelry are very dear to my heart. Both of my Grandparents passed away a while ago but, I have so many vivid memories of when they would wear them. They were both so proud when they wore them. To me these pieces of jewelry, one from my mothers side and one from my fathers side, represent our family crest.

Ruben - For the last six years I have been working in film production. The company I work for do jobs that require me to build sets, set lights and props. I always use these blue shot bags that are filled with sand to keep lighting and grip stands from moving. Metaphorically they represent my becoming a more grounded adult - not only as an artist, but also in my relationships. These particular ones I propose for you to use are about 20 pounds each.

We are both feel so honored to have the chance to collaborate with you. Please let us what you are thinking and if you need any clarifying or if we need to change are ideas.

Thank you, R&B"

This afternoon Bettina and I were preparing packages for artists about Bec and Ruben as well as brief histories of the traditions their work in the wedding relates to. Below is a sample of what I gathered about the cake ceremony. We look forward to what Karen Lofgren does, our artist relegated to cake.

LET THEM EAT CAKE

Nowadays we might get excited about seeing a groom shove a sliver of cake in his new wife’s face or visa versa, but if we were around during ancient Roman times the spectacle would have been much bolder, and only in the direction of the wife. The whole tradition of serving cake as a part of a wedding began as a way of sealing the deal so to speak. As a symbol of the husband’s new dominance over his wife, he would smash a barley cake over her head. Sounds like early domestic violence to us.

The ritual of cake, over time, lost (most) of its aggressive tone and shifted towards prestige. Instead of destroying the cake, it was put on display and even eaten. As sugar became more refined, cake icing got whiter, which was expensive and became a status symbol - so couples would invest in the making their cake as white as possible to make more of an impression.

Nowadays, we find cake continuing to be used for this symbolic tact. When Princess Diana got married, the royal's didn’t serve a sheet cake, oh no. They chose, instead, to have a five-foot tall baked-good slathered in pure white icing constructed. And just in case that one fell over, two backups were ordered - and that's one tall order. We just hope some of the palace staff got a sugar rush that day.

click here

a year (ish) after my mom and dad first met (and there is no hidden meaning that the photo looks like its split in two, though it is poignant)

I don't talk on the phone very much with my Dad, well I don't talk on the phone very much at all, but with Dad, even more sparingly. Most of the time there's a weird delay when you talk to him, a gap, like you're on a long distance call from the 1970s. Its because he talks into the receiver and the part of the phone that is for listening is far away from his ear. Dad developed this habit in the first place being a Dr. and recording patient's notes into a recorder. He talks in large waves of information covering all sorts of topics that bleed into each other with hardly any pause between. I have become really good at being able to tell when the phone is back near his ear. Its a small window, and if I don't jump in there, the phone goes back into the primary position. During that small window I have the chance to reply to all the topics, and I have to do that in a big chunk with hardly any space between, otherwise the phone goes back to the primary position.

Long story long: I called him yesterday, which is rare due to the above, and he began asking about my tornado kit, and then went into warning me again about cancer causing cell phone usage, and then about his upcoming road trip with mom. I noticed a softening of his voice that is rare, and an almost confessional tone. He told me he was really looking forward to the trip with her, and that they were getting really good at trips and having a lot of fun. He went on to tell me that he thinks they've rediscovered what it was in the very beginning, when they first met, that drew each of them to the other. Also that they are both focusing on the positives in each other, instead of the negative, which he admitted they both got really good at. If I had to pull just one quote from the conversation, it would have to be this one, which is referencing how frustrated he used to be with mom that she wasn't interested in reading the New York Times every day: "After all, I didn't marry your mother in order to find out and discuss what was going on in Czechoslovakia."

It was about as tender a conversation we've had in years. I also told him that perhaps now mom did know more about Czechoslovakia. He laughed and said that she sure has gotten better about calling him on his %^&*$#@! and that he didn't know where these trips were leading, but they are laughing about themselves about things they would never been able to laugh about years ago. He also lets her help with the driving on these new trips, which he never never let anyone do when I was growing up. So, times, they are a changin'.

I suppose what I'm getting at, though I would never suggest anyone take the road my parents have taken to get to where they are right now, is that perhaps people in the later chapters of their lives can come back together and rekindle the affection and appreciation for each other that has been dormant and buried by, in my parent's case, a couple of kids, a couple of pets and a few marriages and divorces.

~Bettina

I don't know how anyone could trump this meaning-full dress:

click here

Ruben shares the account of the journey to Arizona to ask for her hand and announce the wedding plans to Bec's parents.

"The morning began with a barrage of hugs, hello's and Bloody Mary's. It had been at least five months since Bec and I had seen her parents. We had driven the night before to Arizona from Los Angeles, and a morning feast with Gary and Kathy (her parents) plus Aunt Sue was ripe and immanent. Little did they know what Bec and I had in store to reveal that weekend. The plan was to announce our engagement, but first it was essential that I ask Gary for his blessing to marry Bec.

Since I was a boy, I had always planned on asking for the parents blessing when I'd found who I wanted to marry. It must have been all those exaggerated black & white romantic films that I'd been bombarded by on television that repeated that ritual and inspired me to want to make that moment happen in my own life when the time was right.

Just towards noon I found myself in the backyard. The ground was strewn with colored rocks and lush grapefruit trees filled the landscape, aesthetically accentuating the moment. Two years ago, Bec and I had come to visit her parents. I can remember picking grapefruit for the first time with Gary. It was an amazing experience crawling under the thick green leaves of the tree's canopy, looking through to all the golden fruit above. Now, back in Arizona, I wanted to meet Bec's father under the grapefruit canopy again, to ask for his daughter's hand in marriage.

After kicking rocks around for a while, Gary accompanied me outside with a fresh round of afternoon cocktails. Before I could get him over to the tree, he started to talk to me about the rock garden that I'd helped him to start build two years ago. It was expanding; he'd built it out bit by bit by venturing to gather more stones. The foliage within the rocks had also been flourishing. I noticed that he'd cleared some room down at the bottom of the garden, and he talked about how he'd wanted to expand the garden there but didn't know what to put in the empty space. I looked at this new growth as a metaphor for my upcoming marriage to Bec. Switching gears back to my intent, I took a deep breath and reminded Gary of the first time we had visited them in Arizona a couple years back, and specifically of when we first broke bread at the dinner table and held hands in prayer. As I sat holding Gary's hand in my left and Bec's in my right, I knew then that the bond Bec would lead to marriage. I continued recalling that time with Gary and finally asked for his blessing to marry his daughter. His face beamed with joy and he interrupted me saying, " Ruben are we really doing this right now?" I smiled back and looked in his eyes and said," Yes." He rushed at me like a bull to a matador and shook my hand firmly and gave me a hug stating that he could not be happier. The affection he displayed answered my question and I will hold that moment dear now and for as long as I live. Bec and I continued to celebrate throughout the night with her family; and if that celebrating weren't enough we even added on a cake-filled celebration of Bec's early birthday.

The next morning I was instructed to keep Kathy company as Gary, Aunt Sue, and Bec ran up to the local quarry for some more rocks for the garden. The chairs were strategically placed facing each other as the front door closed. Kathy and I sat in the newly painted kitchen looking at each other awaiting the break of the pregnant silence. She didn't give me a chance to be nervous, and opened up to me with such motherly warmth. I'll never forget the reassurance she gave eye-to-eye as I explained to her what marriage meant to me. She already knew that I was Bec's biggest fan and was perfectly matched for her, but having her acceptance at this moment was particularly important. I was emotional as I stated loving words about her baby girl. The remarks I was saying were true of course, but saying them to her mother under these circumstances made them resonate.

Later at brunch we officially announced our engagement to the whole family. I was truly purely happy that day."

~Ruben

I loved watching this game show, and always found it so amusing that many or most of the newlywed players didn't know, or remember, even the most basic of trivia about each other. I think it should be mandatory to play this game until you know all the answers, and then make up more questions and learn more answers before being able to get married. Have a bit of fun with your spouse or partner tonight.

Basic Rules of the Game: For the first round of the game, the husbands are taken off 'stage' and the wives are asked three questions. The husbands are brought back on 'stage' to answer the same questions before the wives answers are revealed. A matching answer is worth 5 points. The second round, played the same as the first, but the wives are taken off 'stage', while the husbands answer three different questions. The first two are worth 10 points, and the third 'bonus' question is worth 20 points. The highest score is 55 points, and the couple with the highest score wins. In the event of a tie, a tie-breaker question should be asked to either spouse.

I've picked the following questions I found online that I found most telling or humorous, and made them genderless. In the place of the word spouse or partner, I put the symbol: *

1. If your * could choose one thing of yours to get rid of, what would he/she choose? 2. How would you complete this sentence? My * is a natural-born: 3. When your * says, "Honey, they're playing our song, what song are they playing?
   
2. Complete this sentence: I knew I wanted to marry my * when he/she: 5. What celebrity will your * say he/she most admires? 6. Who was interested in marriage first - you or your ? 7. If you told your * that tomorrow you would do any one item from his/her Honey-Do list, what would he/she choose? 8. What one thing does your * have too much of? 9. When your * was a child, what did he/she want to be when he/she grew up? 10. You've gone to the 7-11 to pick up milk. On a whim, you decide to get your * a little surprise treat. What else will you buy besides the milk (at the 7-11)? 11. Fill in these blanks. My * may be the world's best: _ but he/she may also be the world's worst:12. What one day of your relationship do you think your * would most like to experience again? 13. If your * had to change jobs with one of his/her friends, who would they choose? 14. If your * could choose their own adventure, what would he/she do? 15. What is the oddest location you and your * ever been over-affectionate? 16. What's the silliest thing your * has ever done? 17. A meteor is headed for your house. Your has saved your family, pets, and the family photos. Your * has time to save one more item. What will he/she save? 18. Which of these does your * have the most of: sense of humor, sense of time, sense of adventure, common sense? 19. Complete the following sentence. Our marriage/relationship would be much better if we could just agree on: 20. Complete this sentence: It must be true that opposites attract because my spouse and I are total opposites when it comes to: 21. Complete this sentence: Not many people know it but my * is really good at: 22. What gift that your * gave you came as the biggest surprise? 23. Complete the following sentence: “An ideal * is one who: 24. If your * could send you to a Body Repair Shop, what on you would she/he have fixed?
3. When my * wakes up in the morning she/he’s likely to find my on his/her . (a classic from the original game show) 26. What is the strangest gift your * has ever bought for you? 27. What would your * say was the last thing the two of you argued about? 28. What percentage of the house work would your * say they do? 29. If your * could be married to a movie star who would they choose? 30. When you first met your , what would they say was the one thing which first caught their attention about you? 31. If you won the instant jackpot for a million dollars, what would your * want to do with it? 32. If your * could change jobs, what would be their dream job? 33. If you had 2 weeks and money was not much of an object, where would you go? 34. What was the best vacation you’ve ever taken together? 35. If you had a day off alone and could do whatever you wanted, what would it be? Your ? 36. If your * could be married to a movie star who would they choose? 37. If your * could have constant access to one store, what store would it be? 38. What one item of clothing does your * wear that you just can't stand? 39. What would your * say his/ her greatest strength would be? 40. What funny or embarrassing thing about your * that everyone knows that your * thinks no one knows? 41. What is your *'s most irritating habit? 42. What was the last book your * read? 43. What would your * say is your favorite outfit. 44. Have them write the chore they least like to do and why.. "I hate because ." Example: I hate doing laundry because it takes all day and makes the house hot.

Now that the Home Show in Santa Barbara has opened, I can finally settle back into LA matters and focus on the very deserved R&B. They invited us over for a home-cooked meal a la Ruben. We were promised the wildest of arugula salads - promise delivered, and then some. A cornucopia was laid out for us in their colorful, artful and charm-full abode with finesse. There have been only a handful of meal meetings I can remember when I've felt as welcomed and appreciated - they made sure I understood how excited they are about this Get Hubbied adventure. Of course we talked about the wedding logistical details, gave them a list of things to do, caught them up on where all the artists are in the process, who we need to meet with first and what steps to take, but more importantly, we bonded and laughed a whole bunch of a lot.

They showed us their rings. How's this for good mojo:

Ruben: "Firstly Bec's mother, Kathy, brought her original wedding ring to Arizona to give to me. She had no idea of the news Bec and I would be bringing that weekend. My mother, Grace, hearing that Kathy was giving her ring, also wanted to contribute and she offered to solve the problem of no stone being on Kathy's original ring by giving a stone from a wedding ring that she no longer wore. Lastly, my father Jesse, who I am very close with, offered his original wedding band to me."

That would be a meaningful ring to wear, and even a reason to wear a diamond. I've never been quite fond of diamonds, but will be a diamond with some serious soul.

the first image shows Ruben's ring (on my gnarly fingers), and the second is Bec's (which will have the stone from Ruben's mom's ring added soon)

And they took me on a tour of their house. I kept stopping to admire and/or ask questions about so many of their artworks, objects and photographs, that it made it hard for them to finish the tour before dinner was cold, but they did. Here is a humorous vignette I found in their office, and a photograph taken by Ruben of his father.

And we were joined by their charming neighbor, Alison Kudlow, who happens to be their landlord-ess. We made her stay and eat with us - she offered to help with the engagement party which will be held in their yard. Here's the crew - sorry about the picture. At least one person was moving/biurry in every photo, but the images serve to set a tone.

Some people do indeed radiate contentment in their couple-ness - Bec and Ruben have that market cornered; their house even seems to be smiling. I look forward to every single meeting, email and phone call, of which we will have many in the coming months.

Here's a picture of Tif taking copious notes in the midst of quinoa and vino:

We'll be posting their engagement video that Tif filmed in Venice (CA) last week in the next few days, so check back in.

Forgive me, since this isn't exactly a romantic idea, and one that I find abhorrent and a self-fullfilling prophecy of doom, but it is a part of many marriages, so I thought I'd address it by posting this article. I am open to any discourse or other point of view. Perhaps there are instances I haven't thought of where it makes absolute sense, but for me, it never would:

click here

photo by Mike Slack

There are some who get really into the way in which this ritual is enacted - this guy spent time on his proposal, big time. But, what if she couldn't get to the level in the game where it actually happens? I guess its because he'd never propose to someone who couldn't.

click here

It was a tremendous weekend. The artists really pulled out all the stops. I'm proud to have been asked to be a part of this, and to have gotten the strongly positive feedback I've been getting.

Here's a link to an article Geoff Tuck has invested time and talent into explaining the show, and going through some of the artist's studios. This is the first part of his piece celebrating Michele O'Marah's solo show at CAF which launched simultaneously with The Home Show:

click here

And, this is part of the article focusing on the studio visit with me:

click here

There are many weekends ahead for visitation possibilities. Fridays and Saturdays: 11 am - 5 pm, Sunday: noon - 5 pm, through July 17th. Check the website for detailed information:

click here

There really is a website for anyone looking for marriage. Just a sampling:

click here for Muslims

and here for ugly millionaires

and here for Russian women

and here for Christians

and for polyamorists

and how about some good ole mail order husbands

last but not least, my personal favorite, click here to marry a character online

GOP donors wield their clout for gay rites

click here

I will share the stats. I tried to import the actual invite, but my limited computer skills put up a blockade. Stats remain:

James Fuentes LLC presents

William Stone

FRAMES

May 11 - June 12, 2011
Reception: Wednesday, May 11, 6-8pm

55 Delancey Streeet, New York, NY 10002, 1.212.577.1201

Gallery hours Wednesday - Sunday, 11-6

www.jamesfuentes.com

This will explain itself without going into any unnecessary details, though the break-up came from several emerging and increasing discordant desires. I do think we will be happier now that we have gone different routes. I wish them the very best in their own wedding planning, and in married life as well. ~ Bettina

Dear Jon and Liz,

I have taken the weekend to think this through very carefully and thoughtfully. I do not take this decision lightly. I do appreciate and honor the work and time and care you have put into this project. Your intelligence and insight into the issues and the respectful focus for each part of the venture have been remarkable. I thank you for reiterating your belief and interest in my idea for Get Hubbied. My idea though, does require my own guest list, which would include my best friends, a few of the participating artists, and a couple of hand-selected press, within the playful framework that I've been orchestrating.

I do believe, and my belief is shared by those closest to me, that we have very different approaches, outlooks, and wishes that are coming to light to look a bit like oil and water - in the end this does not make for a pleasant shared experience. I think that in order for you to look back on this event and see your friends and loved ones in the purest of ways, then you should have that; and the same goes for me in seeing this project through the spirit in which I conceived it. I know you have taken this step of marriage with much thought, discussion and seriousness. We have run into a wall that I believe is called: irreconcilable differences. I think we can gracefully and with mutual respect, take our respective forks in the road and wish each other the fulfillment we desire and deserve.

This will indeed become a part of this project for me, and a learning experience. It is sad to be sure, but I don't see it as a waste of either of our times - I think we all enjoyed the ride, until we began not to. The first couple of months couldn't have gone better to me. But, as it is true with any relationship, it took some time to start to see that our differences in approach were too great to have a happy match. And I want to look back in 20 years and see something joyful regarding what I and all my cohorts have been working on for long and hard and with so much energy and passion.

With respect,

Bettina

PS - There is some immediate enthusiastic interest by another couple of people to replace Jon and Liz. More on that in the next blog: onward forward.

click here
that's it on that, I promise

True to himself, being an absolute inventor of playful intelligent forms, Joe does it again!

click here

There is the obvious choice for wedding reportage this past week, but we will choose to forgo talking about a wedding that actually happened and that was very well covered, because here at the HubbyCo offices we're in the midst of the difficulties it takes to actually make a wedding happen.

We were feeling a little stressed (to say the very least) out this week and so we googled "wedding planning stress." Amongst the dozens of pages of tips for brides-to-be (no grooms-to-be stress sites were evident), we found this article that simply suggested that hiring a wedding planner would make for a much more relaxing experience.

This reminded us of the uniqueness of the endeavor that we are taking on and why we can't just hire someone to do it for us. There will be two marriages happening in September: one between the couple and the other between the couple and HubbyCo. We've curated many shows before, but never one that happened melded with a wedding and we're finding that this concoction of art and real-life can be a hard drink to blend and swallow.

As is consistently the case for us, one of the main priorities in any project is to espouse a sense of community, collaborative spirit, hard work and a celebratory coming together to enjoy the fruits of our labor. It is that original vision for Get Hubbied we have to get back to, though the decisions to get there are difficult ones for us to make. More on that soon.

'Bridezillas' in an abstract sense, (applicable to many sides of the fence, including the people getting married, their parents, wedding planners and guests) aren't born that way, they erupt during the process of planning something incredibly detailed that they've never undertaken before. In our case, it's not about working with the artists or finding the right caterer, it's about communicating with your partner... in our case, partners.

If you're planning a wedding, and aren't collaborating with a coterie of artists and a curated wedding, then maybe your solution could be, like the below article suggests, to find a fourth party to swoop in and plan things for you, reduce stress and really allow yourself enjoy the process all the way along.

click here to read the article

or, you, your parents, your partner or your loved ones may turn into 'Bridezilla,' Groomonster, etc...

click here for some amusing and/or frightening stories

In addition to writing about wedding traditions from all directions and marriage in general, we've been using this space to make notice of upcoming exhibitions of all the artists who are in Get Hubbied. Guess who got a mention in the New York Times this week? Ours truly, Bettina Hubby. Check out the article about the upcoming show in Santa Barbara she's in, and if you happen to be in town on the weekend of May 21st, stop by for the tour of all ten artists in homes throughout the area. If not for the opening, then one of the weekends from the 21st, throughout June. Congratulations Hubby! We're all proud and excited to see the show. ~Tif

click here

An oddball and searing portrait of the gilded pair to wed.
To quote the artist describing his method as, "a broken ice-cream van approach"

click here for the article

Here at the Get Hubbied offices we are knee-deep in the thralls of wedding planning which can sometimes make you forget about the finish line... marriage! In Elizabeth Freeman's new book "The Wedding Complex," she writes about the relationship between 'weddings' and 'marriage' (making the astute observation that you don't even need a wedding to have a marriage.) Starting from this point she analyzes the wedding machine, the history of weddings, and contemporary traditions. We highly recommend it, but if you don't have the time, we highly recommend you read this interview on Indiebride.com

click here

Bettina and I were talking the other day about how we haven't talked to anyone who is part of an arranged marriage, nor have we ever met anyone in such a situation. It's uncharted terrain for Get Hubbied. I did a little looking around and found this article on NPR about a modern American couple, Shad and Sana, whose parents set them up. Of course what everyone really wants to know is if they are in love?, or do they even like each other? The husband in this couple says that people who are looking for love are missing out and that compatibility is more important. Don't we all wish we were that practical...

For the article, Matched By Mom: Arranged Marriage In America, by Jamie Tarabay
click here

An article proposing that marriages in which individuals demand inspiration and self-expansion from their partners, are happier more sustainable ones:
click here

I especially connected with the first story about how people argue, and how this particular man charted it out after muh observation. I remember my dad telling me long ago that there are certain rules for arguing that make it a productive exercise. The trouble with that for relationships I was in, was that I was the only one who knew the rules. I do think that there is a lot to gain by thinking about the resonance of your own words, and how much of what we argue about is usually far from the core of the matter.

Juicy article about the bond she and Richard Burton shared
click here

I just found it on Netflix, and though a bit dated, it still looks to be a thorough, thoughtful and relevant film. Here is a link to the film's website: click here

This provocative interactive installation is not to be missed. Visit the installation while not populated to experience it as a 'Silent' Disco.

And - to experience it while not silent, there is an Disco dance party on the 22nd of April. See the website for more information. click here

A excerpt from the site I quite enjoyed describing the project's purpose:

"The architectural project here is not limited to the execution of a design and its special effects, but a framework to encourage visual, physical and social pleasure."

For an article about two older gay men fearing they won't outlast Prop 8 appeals: click here

Clutter, Every Marriage has its...stuff. I just had to learn to love my husband's old junk and my own past as much as he did. ~ By Taffy Brodesser-Akner

click here

sorry about the strange link, but I couldn't find the article anyplace else and I really wanted to share this one.

March 26, 2011

First, thank you all for keeping up with this blog and following updates to the project; there's a lot of information coming your way and we hope you're finding it interesting. During the first phase of this project, in the creation stages of the website, we decided to make a poll to find out about how you, our viewers, feel about various topics relating to marriage.

We asked how people felt about gay marriage, how people felt about monogamy, and about how they'd rate the happiness level of their parents and their own marriage - and we have good news... Marriage won!

When we asked people if they would describe themselves as happily married 60.82 percent said yes and only 29.9 percent said no (9.28 percent replied other, but they probably weren't married in the first place)

We are also happy to announce that 86.73 percent of you responded to our poll by saying, YES!, you feel personally capable of spending the rest of your life with one person.

As we get closer to our big wedding day, we're happy to proceed with this measured enthusiasm for matrimony.

Please take some time to check out the poll and let us know what you think.

x HubbyCo

click here

I pulled two significant points I thought deserved note:

"But my title is also about the complexity of the wedding, the fact that it is messy and complicated -- aesthetically, historically, and in terms of the personal emotions it evokes."

"One important thing it does, in addition to signaling the bride and/or groom's loyalty to extended family, religion, or culture, is to display people connected to the couple in other ways besides marriage -- when else in your waking life are you going to have everyone from the various periods and parts of your life in the same room?"

I don't want to give away any of the artist's final plans, but I'll just say that Cary and Brooks, the owners of Aardvark Letterpress, and Bill, the very tall expert (with a pocket full of pens and tools that you wouldn't even believe if you saw it) are all enthused about this idea and the process. The letterpress text was challenging on this kind of paper. They are rock stars as far as I'm concerned. They made it work, and it was no simple plan. The die cut needs to be made, but all the logistics are in place.

click here for their website. Utilize their genius, and keep the art form alive.

The paper was more complex to sort out. I've been working with this lovely gal Martha in the mid-west for over a year to make the kind of paper that Ruscha described wanting for his idea, the wedding favor. As of this moment, I've gathered about 100 sheets of her paper. Its doesn't feel quite right to call it paper, since each sheet is an object in itself, and ten of them took a couple of weeks to make, dry and send. Ed wanted it as thick as you could get 'paper' and as homemade and recycled as is possible. I sampled a lot of artists who made paper until I found the right person. If you search for the company: Pulpart, at the www.etsy.com site, you'll find Martha's store. Here's what she said about the order the first time I made it:

Sent by PulpArt on November 05, 2009: I have never made anything like this before so I'm not sure if it would stand up or not. I think I could make pieces that would be about 1/2 inch in thickness but I don't know if they would stand. Anybody walking by who causes a breeze would probably make them fall over, or if a ceiling fan is on, they would catch the wind and fall over. What color are you looking for? Depending on the color, I may need a while to save up enough scraps. What is your timeline? How many pieces do you need and of what color? Best, Martha

And then the description of the order once I told her exactly what we were looking for, which has a certain poetry:

Extra thick white handmade paper - CUSTOM ORDER FOR HUBBYCO from PulpArt. Extra thick white handmade paper - CUSTOM ORDER FOR HUBBYCO. You will receive 10 pieces of extremely thick paper for your die cut project. Each sheet of paper is individually made by hand using an art form created by the Chinese over 1,000 years ago. I sift through my junk mail, old bills, letters and the like to find the highest quality paper. (You have to start with good paper to end up with good paper!) I do not use bleaches or dyes to color my paper. The color is determined from the scraps I use. I shred the recycled paper, combine it with water to make a pulp. A frame with a screen is pulled through the water to catch the pulp, which forms a sheet of paper that I air dry.

As I was walking away from taking this picture, a guy built like a house rushed out and towards my car asking what the @#$*%^& I was doing. I don't think he would have understood my aesthetic and humor-filled motivations, so I shrugged while quickly getting in the car and waved goodbye really friendly-like.

This is brilliant in my opinion. I'm thinking of reading this at the wedding - I'm 98% sure that Jon and Liz would appreciate its humor, irreverence, etc:

This is the end of the film, and shows a father coming home to an empty and silent house after giving his daughter away to be married. It is incredibly moving portrayal of the quiet that settles in after a child leaves the nest. Also, it is a sad reminder of how most American films jam in constant dialogue and noise - they don't trust themselves with silence.

March 18, 2011

Its a song, American Wedding, by Gogol Bordello that I found while trolling around the internet

I would almost suggest this as the first dance to kick up a storm, but.....well, there are many reasons I wouldn't do something like that, but we sure can enjoy it here, and I hope you do.

To read T Magazine's article on Roger Herman click here

and go check out Gerald Davis' new work at Parker Jones Gallery until the 16th of April.

March 14, 2011

This is a long clip, but its a curious vision to see the bride perched on her candy colored throne while women model slips on and around chaise lounges.

Click here for an argument for the 4 year itch

Click here for an article pitching the 3 year itch

the only reason I thought this image was appropriate was because this is the only photo I have that felt itchy

Here's a good read for those that like a bit of Hitchcock in their marriage, or at least to imagine it:

There was an article in the New York Times that relates to how a woman's scent aids in keeping men monogamous who are in long term relationships; this in order to allow for people to stay together long enough for the bearing of children.

here's a quote from the article, written by John Tierney, and a link to the entire article below:

Previous research had shown that a woman at the fertile stage of her menstrual cycle seems more attractive, and that same effect was observed here — but only when this woman was rated by a man who wasn’t already involved with someone else.

The other guys, the ones in romantic relationships, rated her as significantly less attractive when she was at the peak stage of fertility, presumably because at some level they sensed she then posed the greatest threat to their long-term relationships. To avoid being enticed to stray, they apparently told themselves she wasn’t all that hot anyway.

click here

I drove out to CalArts. It is a skooch off the beaten track, but what glorious weather - it was like a vacation in an afternoon. I was a bit early, and it was a bank holiday so the halls were empty but for a few hard cores, which served to up the mystique of my visit.

Abel will do a drawing of Liz and one of Jon - the portraits will form a diptych. He'll use the charcoal pencil on pencil technique so that depending on where you are in the room, the imagery appears and disappears. This is as good a photograph I was able to get in the studio lighting, but its good enough to get the point across. Jon and Liz will be supplying Abel with a couple of images of each of them as teens to choose from. I like that they'll be rendered at the age at which they were on the verge of becoming adults.

I couldn't resist getting a snap of the strewn paint. Just like looking at people's bookshelves, its a portrait of the person in a way to see how they set up their studio.

And here, a slice of Abel's shelf. There are some curious titles, one of which has the word Bride on it. Hard to imagine what that book can be, unless the author's name has the word in it. Are there two copies of a book called "Terror Hospital"? There are several boy oriented books, even an author named Kidd, but I gotta borrow this one: "Some Faggy Gestures," by Henrik Olesen.

Abel's upcoming thesis show will be focusing on images of boys in water. The imagery in the painting and Cyanotypes are sourced from life-saving instruction photographs. Taken out of context, underscored and isolated by Abel, they become eerie and romantic. To me, the boys in his work communicate a wistfulness, a glorious naivete, a physical and spirited admiration of youth. The painted shirtless bodies with limbs flailing, posing seriously for portraits, or floating in water submissively held by another - they all capture some essence of communal innocence on the edge of being lost.

and the man himself

This is a graphic I found in one of the non-Braille versions of Boys Life. It reminds me of a family crest, or a wonderful tattoo

On my way out I saw this magazine - the cover, and pages within blew my mind - I haven't stopped thinking about its formal beauty but ultimately, its lilting sadness. I imagined a blind boy reading the braille to know more about the 'Boys Life,' most certainly describing sports and a lifestyle not easily partaken of by the blind.

small but sure steps towards equal rights
click here

and of course this gives the Republicans something to moan about
click here

newsflash:

Supermodel Kate Moss has asked her friend Tracey Emin to create the artistic backdrop for her upcoming wedding to The Kills guitarist Jamie Hince. "Kate has agreed that Tracey will put her unusual artistic stamp all over the wedding, with no holds barred," a source told a Web site, apparently. "Tracey has so far been working on sculptures of the happy couple in preparation for the ceremony.

It already feels as if a fog has lifted regarding the role Joe will play, and its only our second conversation. It feels slightly useless to me now that I spend any time worrying about things like the coming together of the aesthetics, the officiant's interaction with the couple and the guests, when/where the dinner is and the flow of the day. I chose all of these artists for a reason and I admire and trust them - I pleasantly reminded myself of that while talking to Joe. He pulled open the dark curtains in my brain by simply saying that he would work between and around the other artist's ideas - it will be a part of his work to play off of the structure we create for him. In other words, it doesn't matter where the table/s are and how the guests move through the space and what the timing is like - Joe will be privy to all the relevant conversations about these things over the months ahead; his subsequent ideas/words will be the glue that binds it all together. But to put it simply, his role will be how to structure the monologue/dialogue with Jon and Liz and the guests.

Every time we meet something else will become clear. This process is certainly not boring.

Also this same evening, over a lovely glass of wine, Joe, Tif and I had the pleasure of meeting Linda Williamson, a freelance writer who is interested in the machinations of Get Hubbied, perhaps enough to write about it. Her questions about this project's process, its origins and its eventuality, and then my resulting answers served to underscore my own interest in the whole thing and belief in its ability to captivate, entertain and communicate.

PS - My multi-talented friend Tif is back from Denmark and has agreed to help me this month with the project. Everyone will benefit from this!

Valentine's day has come and gone. I spent most of that day looking at fonts online, but also took some time for a bit of reflection on loves past. February 14th is such a strange day for couples and non-couples alike. Some perceive it to be forced and commercial, which of course is true, but its also an opportunity to express love. Not such a bad thing.

I thought I'd share my moment of bought-and-paid-for romance. It was at the end of my big CoTour project. I happened not to be dating anyone at that moment and thought about how nice it would be to share that celebration of a job well done with someone special. It struck me instead to enjoy the fact that I wasn't with anyone and to purchase a fake boyfriend for a night, blur perception a bit. So I hired a male escort, Alex, to show up at the closing party for the event and instructed him to treat me like an adored girlfriend. The effect was exactly as I'd hoped: it confused the living daylights out of all my friends and family. My mom and my sister kept trying to get him away from me thinking he was some kind of stalker. Alex was certainly not my type, which served to increase mystique, but at a certain point I had to tell my folks that he was paid for that they should back off and let me reap the rewards of my purchase. He brought me flowers, got drinks for me, put his leather jacket over my shoulders when it got cold and his arm around my waist, and he did it all with convincing starry-eyes. I know he was thoroughly amused, and I can't describe my glee; it was worth every greenback I laid down. At the end of the night he fetched his yellow corvette and we screeched away into the platonic night.

Here's a not-at-all surprising fact about me & Liz: we love creating traditions & rituals. Serious ones, silly ones, whatever. Sometimes they last a very short time before petering out. Sometimes they last years. So it should further be no surprise that we have a Valentine's Day tradition.

But here's a maybe-surprising fact: our Valentine's Day tradition pre-dates our relationship. Or rather, pre-dates our romantic relationship. Liz & I, along with Liz's then-co-worker Jane, were casting about for something to do on V-Day, back in 2004. We were three singles, at least somewhat irritated by all of the coupledom around us being celebrated. We decided, simply enough, to go out for drinks. So we went to Hop Louie, a great divey bar in Chinatown. The evening was super fun. So much so that the three of us went back the next year (though by then, Liz & I were together). By 2005, you could no longer smoke in Hop Louie, but it was still a great night, filled with many whiskey sours, Glen the bartender's hilarious running commentary on what was on the teevee, and the occasional cartwheel.

We've gone back just about every year since. In 2006, Liz was in Germany for work, so Jane & I made plans to go on our own, only to find that Hop Louie was closed for filming. We still had a great night at Dinner Club M, but somehow it was reassuring that Liz seemed to be needed for the V-Day magic of the tradition. In 2007, we had to bail on Jane, as Liz was sick. So I went to the video store and picked up the very cute comedy Mystery Men. Halfway through the movie, lo and behold, there's a scene at, yes, Hop Louie! The tradition lives on! Jane has since moved to the Bay Area, but Liz & I carry on the tradition.

So what's this about serendipity? In an early meeting with Bettina, she told us about an earlier project, the HubbyCo CoTour, which included stops at some of her favorite east-side locales. I think you can guess which awesome Chinatown bar was prominently featured.

If you don't know Hop Louie, you should. And if you're there next year on 2/14, feel free to buy us a whiskey sour.

-JZ, 2/15/11

Bettina responds by attaching the following image clues:

Just a shout-out to friends-of-this-project over at Dinner Party Download.

This week, they discuss an historical wedding both incredibly adorable and somewhat objectifying/exploitative: the 1863 wedding of Charles Sherwood Stratton (aka Tom Thumb) to Lavinia Warren. I know that there's a degree of objectification in most weddings -- with the couple as object -- but with some weddings this is more true than others. When PT Barnum organizes your wedding, there's more objectification than most. And when your wedding is a piece of art, there's also more objectification than most.

To be clear: I am not trying to make any point about being an object or a tool (relative to Bettina or to GetHubbied) in the way that I think most of us suspect that Tom Thumb was primarily a tool for Barnum. Bettina is incredibly respectful, and has gone to great pains to ensure that there's no trace of exploitation in this enterprise. But from the perspective of The Couple, it's hard, at times, not to feel instrumental.

As a special bonus, this week's DPD contains an interview with Chris Burden. (Which, in an oblique way, is yet another wedding reference, though perhaps only for one-half of the creators of DPD itself.)

Anyhow, check it out. Good stuff.

-JZ

She was 20 at the time

This is so uncanny, since Liz's Aunt looks a whole heck of a lot like my mom did in 1968, and its not just the hair. Odd that announcements back then listed the home address of the parents, though today there's more personal details printed about the couple. I love that there's a book of the month advertisement on the page.

A recent message from Ellen Marie:

"I wish I could bring to a marriage now a combination of all life has taught me so far—and those looks! And where did those 43 years go?"

click here for tips and short cuts to make your wedding a slice of bliss

and my personal favorite line: ..."pigs in a blanket and the bleakness of the bouquet toss"

Every couple of days I get a response from Jon and/or Liz that makes my brain swoon. Here is the latest from Liz regarding how we address the ceremony's flow, aesthetics, content and guest arrangement. We've been in a spirited dialogue with Karen Kimmel, Miguel Nelson and Joe Sola, who are the artists dealing with these aspects of the wedding.

"Thank you all so much for all your ideas so far—you has given us so much to think about. I can’t say enough how pleased Jon and I are about the artists Bettina has selected for this project. Your ability to both critically examine the wedding in terms of the aesthetics and the content of the ceremony, with a deep sensitivity about how those two elements are fundamentally intertwined, is going to result in a radical reworking that we could never have dreamed of ourselves but that we really wanted, and we are SO excited about that. Jon and I need to sit down and talk all this through together, but these are my initial thoughts about what’s been discussed so far:

A couple of points:

One of the most important things we want to “solve” in the ceremony/reception is creating a space of family and community and folding in the “guests” as participants/support rather than “audience.” I am hopeful that will partly be achieved in the ceremony itself, but it can also be addressed by creating a space in which people feel moved to be a part of things---comfortable, taken care of, relaxed enveloped in a genuine sense of hospitality and beauty.

The other dilemma presented by the ceremony/reception is: How might we bring a sense of ritual and the sacred to a secular ceremony (because the fact is, we are still opting to have a “ceremony” and call it a “ceremony”). Is there a secular vocabulary that exists (or that you/we can invent) that will bestow a sense of the gravity of the undertaking and mark this rite of passage for us and our friends and families. (Jon will probably take issue with my invocation of “sacred,” but I can’t really think of a better word for it.) FYI, the definition of ritual is: “a set of actions, performed mainly for their symbolic value. It may be prescribed by a religion or by the traditions of a community. The term usually excludes actions which are arbitrarily chosen by the performers.” This latter point is important to point out because I think we have to fold people in by drawing on the somewhat familiar, lest it become too unfamiliar/non-shared and thus too “performancy.” The idea is that we capitalize on values and gestures that we already all have, or at least recognize, even if they aren’t typically used in a wedding.

This is all to say that I think that Jon and I are pretty much willing to throw most conventional wedding tradition out the window if it means we can achieve the above two things (with the caveat that we recognize that making things too unfamiliar might scare the guests a little, and we want people to be comfortable.) So, to answer your specific questions:

I initially like the idea of the ceremony as a course as part of a long dinner, especially because of the ritual tradition of feasting/food and how that might be part of the larger ritual of the marriage. There is huge history, in terms of food and ritual, to draw on (even in the most quotidian Sunday service, one drinks wine and eats bread, right?) and it could be employed in a really interesting way that would be familiar and comforting to people. There is also, of course, the clichéd metaphor of marriage/love/commitment as metaphysically “nourishing” and “sustaining”—something, again, that would pretty much resonate with everyone, I would think. So, incorporating it into the framework of a shared meal could be a really beautiful gesture of tying together all the themes we are trying to bring to the forefront. I also like the idea of a multi-course journey a lot—I think that could be a really interesting way to get people to come together through a shared experience of participation.

My concerns about it would be: What does Joe Sola think about this? Is the idea interesting to him, and would he want to work with it? If the wedding is a long dinner, does that mean everybody sits at their assigned place for most of the night? Because it is also our wish that we get people to circulate among each other and come together as a larger community—not just pockets of people who already know each other. (This treads a fine line, though, because we don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable my making them talk to strangers all night either…) Would the evening be so rigidly orchestrated as to be exhausting for guests after a while? And, yes, would I be too nervous by course 4 that I would not be able to say my vows?

I love the idea of having the table set-up as sculpture. I initially (even before Get Hubbied) really wanted long tables because I wanted more of a sense of “feast” and “dinner party” and not a sense of corporate hotel ballroom wedding, which is what those round tables suggest to me. I know there are serious space constraints what with the way the larger room is set up, especially with the columns, and that long tables are likely not possible. But if we can get to the ideas of hospitality, party, community, etc., with an interesting configuration, I am all for that. Forming a big circle around the dance floor/ceremony space, which was Miguel’s initial thought, is appealing--it’s definitely that kind of spirit which I’d like to foster, even if that’s not the configuration we ultimately choose.

I know that Karen is working out something amazing for the floral/aesthetics and, honestly, given her work I’m pretty sure I’m going to like whatever it is she’s thinking about doing. I do also love the idea of the Woolly Pockets, especially because, and I think I mentioned this before, Jon and I were initially really set on having the ceremony outdoors, so bringing in plants and flowers into the space in a way that they are very layered and dense like nature itself (even if that means we are using stencils or paint or paper or whatever Karen decides she wants to work with) instead of just a flower arrangement here or there is super appealing to me and will be very beautiful.

Many, many, many thanks!

Liz"

The Center for the Arts, Eagle Rock, will be the location for GET HUBBIED. Its signed sealed and yet to be delivered - but it will. Continued thanks to their entire staff who have been so open-armed and enthusiastic about this wedding project and patient with me, Jon and Liz with all the meetings, questions and time spent.

They have even offered above and beyond to promote and house a one month exhibition of all the art works, films and ephemera from the day, the day being: September 24th of this year! So, its a very happy announcement indeed.

The exhibition will open 2 weeks after the wedding to allow for film editing, photo printing and organization for the show. Of course I will be posting news as it arises.

Click for their website

I love this work so much it hurts.

click here

Michael, of Sir Michael's Party Rentals and Limousine Service and Catering, kindly sat down with Jon and Kate (+Grover) and me, to give us advice and to show us items we could rent from him. This is one of the parts of the planning most alien to me, but that's a part of the fun. Plates, chairs, flatware, serving utensils, platters, tables, glasses, table cloths, lighting - etc etc etc. Even though this wedding is unconventional and will challenge the staid rituals of weddings, it still needs certain things if people are to park, eat, sit, drink, listen, watch and dance.

Michael's energy was a delight - and he will be such an asset. He has provided rentals for countless events at the Center and knows it inside and out, and so does Brian, the event coordinator there. I would never have guessed it, but they host as many as 4 weddings a month.

How to stage the wedding? How do you use the rooms and move people around for the ceremony, drinks and dinner? That seems to be the big mystery and challenge - and also not something I've had to think about much in other events I've put together in the past. Karen Kimmel will help with this, and so will Tom Peters, my caterer friend. We'll work it out; we have plenty of time and people willing to help.

Iris and I have exchanged many emails thus far, and now I have a face to put to them, and what a lovely face it is. She went to school with Jon at Yale, and when she heard about Get Hubbied from him, she was elated - since, to her, this project is the ideal way for Jon and Liz to get married, and so she wants to do anything she can to help with PR.

I'm surprised she has time to sleep, let alone to want to help us out. But she does, and will drum up coverage over there, the UK etc, and also to reach out to press here. I say yes yes yes, and thank you Iris!

She works as a freelance PR person for the arts in Europe. She's also a journalist, translator, editor, photographer, ghostwriter, and a fabulous chef. She usually works on a number of different projects at the same time, promoting exhibitions, artists and projects, and organizing events and art shows. She has composed, edited and translated countless numbers of texts, proposals, and press releases, and written several introductions for internationally published catalogs and art books. Iris currently lives and works in Berlin.

I've told everyone I know this story at one time or another because it touched me so deeply. I was in charge of the visiting artist's lecture series when I was in the grad program at SVA, NYC. There were a lot of characters who came through to say the least (Jeff Koons was a real kick. Schnabel was pretty amusing too. Christo and Jean-Claude Christo: not such a healthy marriage there but gave 'good talk'). Of all of the talks, Leon and Nancy were the most memorable, perhaps because they didn't talk about their work at all. They held hands in front of all of us bright-eyed bushy-tailed art students and talked about their marriage, their love, over the span of their long careers. Their art work was so different in style and temperament that they never got accolades in the press or in the public at the same time, though the attention they did get equaled out over time They told us that the most important thing, the most precious, was that they each supported the other during the times that one was ignored and seemingly forgotten while the other was in the spotlight. They said that without their relationship to buoy them, either one of them would have given up their art careers. They learned how to give up their egos for the other who was not in favor, to recognize that the art world press/public is a slippery fickle beast, AND that it is best to look to yourself and your loved ones as the measure of your work's worth, not the art rags or galleries.

Here's a spin on marriage when you get fed up with the fish in your sea:
click here

And it seems to be catching on in the media's consciousness:
click here

Personal note:

When I came up with the Get Hubbied thing, and many people began to verbally oppose me, including and especially my dad, I stuck to my guns - I needed to find a couple who love each other, who still challenged the whole idea of conventional marriage - AND who still wanted to do it. It was a tall order. There was a millisecond that I thought I should marry myself using the same concept/same group of artists - but thought against it immediately. It wouldn't have worked for this particular project - it would have felt too self serving - and wouldn't have struck as much of a cord; I would have felt silly and I don't think the artists would have been as inspired. Thus and then, my insistence to find the pair - and I have. This is the right way to go for me and my idea, but the gal in the article above was sincere her the rejection of the norm, and her parents supported that alternative, which is shocking, and gives me a kick.

This article makes me feel old since I am so disconnected from that group of younger folk who create whole worlds and different selves on the internet. Though I don't think it would be the right fit for me, it is a good example of how artists are beginning to use their online identities for much more than just connecting with friends or trying to find someone to date).They can choose to be like anyone or anything they can imagine. I would be an owl - see attached image. Check out the article, a couple getting married in fantasy-based ritual within the web:
click here

Bettina's virtual self getting married

I get all verklempt when I look at images of this wedding. There is such joy and communion there - and talk about bi-partisanship in full bloom. The tribal community opened their arms to host the ceremony, fused their traditions and ours into what became a physical manifestation of joy with a pinch of confusion to make it entirely delightful.

Karen Lofgren @ Post
One night only! Friday, the 7th of January
1904 East 7th Place LA CA 90021
7-9 pm

George Stoll at Maloney Fine Arts
Saturday, the 8th of January (Jan 8 - Feb 12, 2011) 2680 S. La Cienega Blvd. Los Angeles, CA 90034 6-8 pm

Joshua Callaghan @ Steve Turner
Saturday, the 8th of January (Jan 8 - Feb. 5, 2011) 6026 Wilshire Blvd. LA, CA 90036 6-8 pm

Roger Herman @ Jancar
Saturday, the 8th of January (Jan. 8 - Jan 29, 2011)
961 Chung King Road LA, CA, 90012 6-9 pm

defense of the story on salon.com that finds it valuable to depict real messy lives instead of the typical wedding section fairy tale: click here

My Grandparents right around when I was born - they were married 75 years before my Grandpa died at age 100. Grandma is now 103.

May this year be as fun as this image!

We are swayed powerfully by forces that suddenly erupt in our plans. We may marry someone, end a marriage, embark on an unexpected career. There are deep currents beneath the surface.
~ J.G. Ballard, from Some Reflections

Check out the recent article from the vows section of the Sunday NYT: Click here
...it caused a bit of kerfuffle in the blogosphere, and profiled a couple who recently married after falling in love while they were married to other people

In the Los Angeles Times today, Jonah Goldberg - who holds down the far-right pole of the paper's syndicated op-ed columns - weighs in on gay marriage. One of the nice things about some on the far right is a degree of intellectual honesty, and a shared analysis with those of us on the left (e.g., the fact that we're in a class war).

Goldberg celebrates the victory on repealing DADT, and on inching closer to social acceptance of gay marriage. Not because he cares about such cultural fights - he doesn't care too much either way - but because the fact of the fight is itself a form of victory for the right:

Two decades ago, the gay left wanted to smash the bourgeois prisons of monogamy, capitalistic enterprise and patriotic values and bask in the warm sun of bohemian "free love." And avant-garde values....

[Now], the sweeping embrace of bourgeois lifestyles by the gay community has been stunning.

Welcome to victory, friends. The stores are open; shop as usual.

-JZ, 12/28/10

For an article examining the second time around
click here

Is there more than one mate for everyone?

I wouldn't say that this isn't art, but hopefully you'll find a higher caliber of art at the HubbyCo wedding. (Pun most assuredly intended.)

From the Associated Press, dated today (and linked here):

Man shoots bride, best man, then himself at wedding party after announcing a 'surprise'

RIO DE JANEIRO (AP) — A bridegroom fatally shot his new wife, his best man and then himself after announcing to horrified guests that he had a "surprise" for them, authorities said Monday.

Witnesses reported that 29-year-old Rogerio Damascena, a sales manager in Camaragibe, outside the northeastern Brazilian city of Recife, did not give any previous indication that anything was wrong at his wedding reception, police investigator Joao Brito said.

Brito would not speculate on a possible motive, saying family members were in shock and he had not interviewed them yet.

Brito did say the killings are believed to be premeditated because of the groom's announcement and because he had hidden a gun in his father's pickup truck.

Twenty-five-year-old bride Renata Alexandre Costa Coelho and best man Marcelo Guimaraes were both killed in Saturday's murder-suicide. A brother of the bride was treated at a hospital and released.

The website Globo.com quoted a sister of the bride who left before the shootings as saying she didn't believe it was a crime of passion.

"My sister was a wonderful person who loved and wanted to be loved," Lucia Helena Coelho was quoted as saying.

"He was happy, she was happy, the party was beautiful. His family adored her and doesn't understand this," Coelho told Globo.com. "He revealed himself as a sociopath who fooled the entire family and killed his best friend, who was ... the best man."

I may be missing the main point here, but: why would the guests have been horrified at the announcement of a surprise (prior to finding out what the surprise was)? That seems odd.

-JZ

The rain is so constant right now - three days and counting - that damp socks, frizzy hair and a frustrated dog are a given. We all swam through it to take another look at the interior of the Center to think about logistics and flow. Kate Mayfield met us there and has graciously offered to help with the aesthetic challenges ahead - to make a large open space into a comfortable, beautiful and logistically workable one. It already has a certain majesty/elegance, but we need to figure out where people will sit and how to feed them, where to have the ceremony, where to lead the crowd and split the action, and how to visually tie it all together. I wish I could put Jon and Liz completely at ease - I know I would never let anything I'm associated with be visually awkward, but they don't know that first hand - so only time will tell.

A big pro about the Center is that they are used to weddings - they have almost one per month and already know what works and what doesn't. Luis Baeza, the Events Manager, told us about other weddings they've had, showed us nooks and crannies, movable walls, the basement, etc, and answered all my questions and then some. He has a calm about him as we talk details; this quality will be wonderful to work with. He already made me feel like nothing could go wrong.

Liz and Jon gave me a pitch perfect bottle of wine today. I won't be able to open it; the words speak volumes; they feel apropos of us coming together for this project.

Wow. I got a link from a friend showing me the guy she's met on salon.com, so I went to the site and started perusing the fellows in my age bracket/location. These gents came up within the first 50 listings. Keep in mind, these are the pictures and profiles you see right away when their page opens. Its interesting(?) how people put themselves out there. Sorry about the lewdness, but it was just so incredibly funny/odd/frightening/awful, I had to share. If I had to choose between the following, I guess I'd go with the guy covered in mud.

My pal Karen Lofgren was the first person to get back to my Facebook siren's song re: the venue search. She's indefatigably helpful. and aside from my admiration for her team player countenance, I'm a big fan of her work (she's in the project too). Her suggestion was to approach the CAFER - she is their grant writer. Before I revved up to contact them, she'd already talked me up and took the temperature of their interest, which was more than warm.

I arrived to 'pitch' Get Hubbied and to gage the possibility of housing it at the Center. As soon as I sat down for a talk with Julia Salazar, the Exectutive Director and Renee Dominique, the Director of Development, I saw on the wall in front of me one of my fire hydrant posters I'd sent to Renee a coon's age ago. She'd actually framed it! - it is quite large, so that is a commitment That really started me off in quite a good mood.

I found myself a bit tongue-tied at first, and fractured with my thoughts, but I got lots of information across that for an organized mind would be possible to rearrange into some semblance of sense. I must not have been all that bad, since they put up with me for an hour and a 1/2, bless them. My CoTour catalogue served to impress which was encouraging as well, but I'd only brought one and they all seemed to want one.

I won't go into all the details, but bottom line: they offered the space, their enthusiasm was palpable, they want to have the wedding there and post wedding, a month long exhibition of all the artists' works - and if that weren't enough, even to help me raise some of the very needed funds to make it all happen. Now, to talk to Jon and Liz, have them visit and then come to a decision together - after all, its a collaboration, and their wedding. I have a good feeling though.

I drove full of verve straight home and then straight out to the post office and sent them 5 more catalogues.

Here are a few pics of the visit: Renee, Julia, and click here for their current exhibition.

Our minds still full and buzzing from the George Stoll encounter, at dusk we entered a whole new realm of goodness. The three of us went to visit a gent who has graciously offered his home/manor for Get Hubbied. I will keep this fellow's name private for now, but suffice it to say, the spirit in which he opened his arms to the idea was an unexpected pleasure (shock). I will quote parts of his immediate response to my first gentle pitch and description of Jon and Liz:

...They're fabulous...I'm happy you asked. let's just figure out how to make it work, and then we will! When? How many people? Inside/outside/both? We'll find a way, dontcha think?

xoxoxoxoxxoxoxoo and so on

Gobsmacked. I'm not used to people saying yes so easily, or saying yes at all. I felt giddy but got down to business and asked relevant questions about how he has entertained, how many people could comfortably be seated in the garden, what was off limits and such and such. After he said yes to 99% of everything, we were given champagne, lounged in his living room surrounded by a stellar art collection, books and neatly organized curiosities, and had a spirited talk. He actually invited us to smoke! There is an ashtray in arms reach of every chair in the room. I smoked a cigarette entirely due to the opportunity to be decadent. He is a wonder. Jon and Liz and he got along well. At no moment did I feel any social panic, and this situation would be ripe for that, but this is him - and everything is relaxed and positive.

Liz, Jon and I will put our heads together for a while and will visit some other places before lovingly locking anyone into this venture. The only con I see at Mr. X's home is that it may be hard to have a sit down dinner for 180 people (our flexible projected number of guests), since the pool is central to the back yard and the interior is filled with precious things. I would feel incredibly responsible for even a slight dimple in his world - it would be terrifying to have anything happen to anything in that home. So, that is a second con. Food for thought, but I went home feeling increased love for humans.

*this is not Mr. X's house:

George is part of the furniture at this neighborhood outdoor cafe. I do not think I'd be exaggerating to say he spends many hours here practically every day. We got right into the discussion springing off of our mutual distaste of the ritual of the groom taking the garter off of the bride's leg (sometimes with teeth).

I will quote Wikipedia - since it is succinct with the definition:

A garter is often worn by newlywed brides. It is the groom's privilege to remove the garter and toss it to the male guests. The symbolism to deflowering is unambiguous. Historically, this tradition also relates to the belief that taking an article of the bride's clothing would bring good luck. As this often resulted in the destruction of the bride's dress, the tradition arose for the bride to toss articles of clothing to the guests, including the garter. Another superstition that has circulated is the male equivalent of the bride throwing her bouquet to the unmarried ladies, i.e., the unmarried male wedding guest who successfully caught the garter was believed to be the next man to be headed to the altar from the group of single men at that wedding.

and from thegartergirl.com:

The wedding garter is said to be one of the oldest wedding traditions, dating back to the Dark Ages. After the wedding festivities, guests would accompany the bride and groom up to their bedroom to ensure that they arrived safely and to wish them well. It was considered good luck for a guest to take home a little piece of the brides clothing.

Over time, this ritual evolved into a wild wedding night romp where guests would tackle the bride, ripping her clothes off hoping for a piece of her attire. (It is also said that wedding guests did this to “help” the new couple along.)

Liz was especially resistant to the idea of having anything taken off of her leg and anything that resembled this ritual. We all agreed it is offensive and out-dated, but George brought up an interesting way of thinking of the approach. To point out a ritual's ridiculousness could be most powerful if you were to exaggerate the content of the ritual. He suggests making it bolder, obvious and more sexual - to amp it up, so to speak. Zippers, ribbons and pearls were materials in the discussion, but I won't give away specifics of his immediate ideas. They will brew and the conversation will be a fascinating road to the eventual piece. Again, I was filled with gratitude for the intelligent and thought-provoking talk, as well as the obvious chemistry amongst those at the table.

Here are a couple of pics from the meeting. I didn't record it for transcription, since it never would have been clear enough with the sounds of the street, but I do wish I could remember every word. Liz was sitting next to me, thus difficult to get a good shot of her... But, I make up for it with the capturing of these expressions:

Check out images of a couple of his works under Stoll in the artist's section of this site.

Parents with kids remaining unmarried; breeding habits across educational boundaries; and waiting to get married until prepared: click here for the article

click here for the Ted Talk

This talk took place just hours before NY lawmakers rejected the key marriage equality bill in December of 2009.

Ben Guzman, and the micro-brewery Eastside Brewers he's raised from the ground up, has offered to donate beer for the wedding. I'm not a big beer drinker, or do I feign any knowledge of beer brewing, but listening to him talk about his growing business, the passion for it, and the nuances of it, had me hankering for the tasting he's invited Jon, Liz and I to in January. His generosity is encouraging - and I feel lucky to know him and to have his support. I will do all I can to promote his business as he has helped mine!

Below is an image from an informal tasting of a sampling of his brew. And second is a picture of him taken from another project of mine he was graciously clothed and participated in, The CoTour in 2008. He's also a talented musician and sang in the a capella performance at Barnsdal Park, co-composed by his wife, Kelly Martin, and another great friend, Dave Jones. He is also featured in the video section of the site with Kelly talking about their marriage.

Wow, if I meet with any more brilliant and exciting people this week I think I'll explode. Joe's meeting was atop the Kimmel one - the same day! I barely had time to walk the dog, and get some refreshments for Joe before he was walking through the door. There we were again. Liz, Jon and I, explaining our intentions, our wishes, our fog and our clarity. It was a mash-up of personality that, again went so incredibly well. I was chuffed with myself for bringing them all together I admit. There is a certain satisfaction with watching people ignite each others imaginations.

Joe listened patiently as we got our bearings and repeated ourselves but then got into the grit of our thinking on the topic at hand, which is the verbiage of a wedding, the ceremony's crux, the statements to each other and the organization of such moments. 'Teetering', a word that came up early in our talk, is what I see as the goal to seek. We want to be subversive, and funny and prod the structures that be, but at the same time to embrace the actual happening - the two people committing publicly to each other in front of their near and dear.

Joe is the perfect fit for this teeter in my estimation. I have seen his performance work, and his skill as an entertainer is as strong as his skill as a pusher of boundaries. The comedy he controls that taps into the tragic or uncomfortable for a second (or much much longer), crosses back into comedy again; this a talent the likes of a symphony conductor. You, the audience, are awakened to the place beyond comedy, and are (hopefully) awakened to the line he has crossed and come back from with humor and a solid gaze. His work reminds me of Buster Keaton mixed with David Mamet; Henry Miller mixed with Betty Boop, or cowboy movies mixed with kareoke. There's the teetering, and the skill in knowing just when you're about to go too far - to control the room, and know your goal. In this case, the work will be a dialogue with Jon and Liz, through which will form a solid notion - a ceremony paying attention to the couple and their deep affection for each other and the witnesses, but also prodding at the structural norms of weddings that people repeat blindly.

There were so many ideas that came out of our talk, I dare not say. It would lead or mislead. Suffice it to say there were mentions of power-point, legal documents becoming characters in the ceremony and the norm wedding sped up and then unveiling the un-norm, but truer self. It will be a dialogue worth checking in on. Again, Liz and Jon were pushed into talking about things not in their normal dialoguing. It may be uncomfortable at times, but I hope they feel comfortable with that.

But even better, these three drawings of Joe's I find particularly relevant to Get Hubbied: the missile drawings re: the conversation about the conflict between wanting to get married and not knowing why you'd want to get married: a yes and a no. We've been talking about using text on the wedding garments themselves announcing that conflict. Head Exploding- well, isn't that obvious.

Yes Missile 2010, watercolor and pencil on paper, 30 x 24"

No Missile 2010, watercolor and pencil on paper, 30 x 24"

Head Exploding 2010, watercolor and pencil on paper, 22 x 24"

Karen's studio is an impressive beehive of activity, nature-born imagery and patterns/colors/stimulation galore. I'd had a talk with her yesterday and emailed a bit as well to help her have a clear picture of what I/we are expecting of her before we all sat down in real time. She's used to grand scale events and worries that the flowers for the wedding, even though it is the flower concept that is being examined, will still require much more thought, labor and cost than what we are asking of her. All of her projects are completely thought through - there is nothing sloppy or unconsidered about them. At this juncture this plan of a rather open-ended wedding ceremony is without an aesthetic adhesive; this concerns her (and me), but this is the beginning of the process so I have faith we'll collaborate well and sort it out. (I also offered up my family as indentured servants for the cause)

I am not the type of person who would allow an event of mine be visually awkward or schizophrenic, but it did help immeasurably to bat around ideas and look at other projects of hers that created big atmosphere. Karen helped us begin to imagine ways to structure the visual glue of the different stages of the ceremony. Big installations with a lot of detailed organization and mastery over materials - this is second nature to her. Not to mention the inherent beauty, grace and inventive pallet that every object, drawing and installation embodies. Many of her workshops and events engage with under privileged and/or challenged children and adults; she brings them together via an art project to work on together, complete and exhibit within her overarching visual and structural plan. Three words that struck me as vital to understanding her work are: exchange, social and collaboration. I'll just let you look at her website - she says it best: click here.

I feel, the most priceless aspect of her art work for this wedding will be a visual language as well as a substantive psychological backbone for the space that will make people feel drawn together, participatory and safe.

Our talk was fun, intense and provocative. A discussion about the visual aspect to the wedding with Jon and Liz was something I don't think they'd thought much about. I felt they were challenged to verbalize what they wanted in a way they weren't prepared for, but that was interesting in its own right. It sure made my eye's mind abuzz.

I met Jon and Liz at Amy' Cargill's compact yet comfortable editing room to go over the interview footage from when we first met. I want to be able to give the artists a solid take on their personalities and values so that they can begin thinking of how they will approach their piece. Some of the artists won't be able to meet J&L in person, so this video will serve as their bearing. I know they were nervous to see themselves on film. I know how that feels - I don't happen to like the experience personally.

Amy had already gone through a first pass, taking out some of the no-brainer moments. In other words, the parts that either wouldn't project them at their best or aren't as strong as other moments/statements. We looked through the 30 minutes of footage taken down from an hour, that Amy will now take down to 20 for the artists and 10 for the website. I reveled in their succinct and compelling messages that go hand in hand with my impetus for the project to begin with. They are also quite funny, and I forgot that about them - its often distracting being behind the camera worrying about sound, focus, the direction of questions and the track of the topic. By the way, this interview was not masterful with focus. The camera was set to auto-focus and it kept finding the trees behind them outside - the trees looked sharp! They got along with Amy; there was much laughter in the small room; there were not that many moments in the video that they wanted to take out - I dare say they enjoyed it, and were impressed with Amy's talents. I asked her for a picture of herself editing and this is what she sent. Nice. She looks like a cute hipster DJ.

The last few days have filled my head to overflow with investigation into venues, and all their inclusions, exclusions, price sheets, guidelines, deposits, curfews, caterers, floor plans, capacity, parking, bathrooms, clean-up, valet, staffing, available dates, guest lists, seating, tableware, site fees, and deadlines. I'd never even imagined it being so complex. Don't laugh. My wedding (in 2000) was planned by my ex-mother-in-law, so I wasn't privy to the nitty gritty. I got to plan my dress and the favors and the cake, and that was pretty stress-free.

I put too much pressure on myself to get everything done each day. Prioritizing is elusive for me. I have my lists and I feel unaccomplished if I haven't crossed everything on them. But, I'm getting better, and setting boundaries. HA! I'm sitting here with five windows open on the computer each seeking more information, or fixing the websites, or making a chart, and another list. There's always tomorrow...

Liz, Jon and I met at Marvimon downtown- well, after I got completely lost, both called them three times and pulled over to the side of the road three times trying to arrive. Not fun showing up to a meeting all tangled up, and it was cold and I wasn't layered enough. Despite these bumps in the road, the conversation/process was truly useful and enlightening, though as some conversations go, took a while to gel. But from the get go, Miguel was kind and inviting and informative. Miguel owns this and the Smog Shoppe, as well as conceiving and heading up the Woolley Pocket company: click here to learn more about vertical sustainable gardening.

I don't think our budget will be able to bear the cost of either of his event spaces, but they are incredibly seductive and aesthetically right on target, subjectively speaking. I am in awe of the consideration and originality of every detail. Also, he has really perfected the flow of a good event and brought up so many factors we'd not yet thought of. But, I remind myself, we've never done this before - we are learning (big curve of that ahead) - so I forgive us for not knowing: how to park people/seat them/feed them/keep them entertained, let alone fitting in the ceremony itself. I think I've got the entertainment part covered though - it will be dynamic: all the elements will have been rethought/presented differently than any movie or real-time marriage memory. Also invaluable was to hear Jon and Liz talk more about what they are interested in and why. My respect for them grows with each encounter.

I did think the talk should have been more about Miguel's artistic contribution to the project than the workings of the space, but we got there in the end with a bit of verbal nudging. It took a little while for him to remember signing up for this (it was a year ago when he did so), but after I went over the list of artists and their role in the ceremony, the inception of the idea, and why I chose Liz and Jon (not necessarily in that order), he seemed to understand and was more excited/interested. His is to be the artist in charge of the presentation/concept of the food and has done many unique visionary art projects involving gatherings, food and/or drink.

Overall the experience helped me immensely, since sometimes when you repeat why you are doing something out loud in front of others, it helps you to remember why you are doing it.

Click here for the website

I drove to Jon and Liz's place, where I was greeted and then offered scrumptious potato pancakes. I was quite satiated on arrival but the smell alone made me ravenous. So we ate and chatted and then gradually delved deeply into the details and lists of priorities to address regarding the wedding.

I had a spreadsheet listing the artists and the fees they requested for their contributions/art works. Added up it reached $37,900. Obviously this is quite impossible being that our entire budget at this point is $10,000 real dollars and $10,000 I will raise (positive thinking) to match their dollars. So, that was a biggie on the agenda. To resolve this I must ask each artist if they would consider lowering their fee considerably. I sent out those emails later in the day, which was painful since I want the artists to be happy with what they receive for their work.

I preface the following with an important note: the following made my mind very happy in one way, and in another way it overwhelmed me, but after a short time of involvement I was healed by an internal self-reminder that all three of us being so on top of things at the first meeting is a good sign - we can do this.

Jon had three immaculately thought-out typed pages.
The first one was split into three topics
1. A list of possible venues to approach for donation of their space, and other venues to research to see if any of them would be reasonably priced.
2. The criteria of details needed for a venue, such as the ability to house 150 prox guests, catering issues, alcohol issues, the curfew (we want to be able to stay and dance), parking, preference for both indoor outdoor spaces.
3. Suggestions and thoughts from one of their friends who had gone through this process, which were four extremely useful tips when thinking of a venue and what to ask, what you need etc.

The second one was a list of possible Saturdays starting with May, notated with holiday black-outs and dates of certain guests they knew couldn't attend, as well as a chart of temperatures for the months May-November 2011. There was also a list of full moon dates.

The third was an agenda of topics to definitively discuss, like budget, date considerations, flowers, food, what about Honeymoon, rings and the dress? How to fit that into the budget? My head was spinning. There was so much to figure out, but I was personally appeased and comforted by the extreme organization and thoughtful time spent to prepare for this talk. I am quite energized by charts and lists of things to do, and prioritization. I left feeling positive and raring to go. I spent the rest of the day and evening emailing and perusing ideas via google. The three of us are on the case.

I sure have a lot to be thankful for right now. Regarding this undertaking specifically, its quite a list: family, friends, the contributing artists, Tif Sigfrids, Rose Apodaca, the newly appointed couple, supporters of the project who are promising to help in different ways. Its all quite magical if I can risk sounding mushy.

Cheer's to you all! I wish we were all here:

I am so energized by being able to focus all the ideas, planning, info and stored momentum on Jon and Liz. These forces have been gathering in luke warm storage for a year while the search was on. I should probably trot instead of gallop with all my emails and topic broaching so as not to scare them. I've already begun venue outreach, artist negotiations and talk of setting the date. It looks like it will be 6-8 months from now. May/June/July, 2011... All music to my ears. I'll give them a couple days to rest and eat turkey...or tofurkey. We meet Sunday with Amy the film editor to shape their interview - which will then be posted on this site, and given to the artists to muse on. I want, where applicable, for each artist to make their work specifically for Jon and Liz, so I want to give the artists as much information as possible to motivate their work.

I'll start taking my camera to all of our meetings so as to create a solid visual diary of this adventure. I may film the visits...but maybe that's overdoing it a bit.

More details to come, but heavens to betsy, I am elated. I suppose I should tell you the couple's identity: Jon Zerolnick and Elizabeth Hamilton. They are featured in this blog (scroll down a bit), and are the cog for the Get Hubbied's wheel. They came over to my place tonight and we played verbal tennis about many of the particulars. I am sure they are going to be interesting, fun and inspiring to work with, to celebrate with and to make big memories.

What struck me the most deeply, other than the fact that Christian has his head on his shoulders and his priorities in line, is that he sacrificed his dream job for his family. They were more important to him than anything else. This jolted me. I have met very few people, in fact I'm having a hard time thinking of ONE person, who has made such a big life decision and sacrifice for the other.

Thanks to my cousin Tyler, I have been exposed to this incredible webpage. I'm in shock, my mind is reeling and I'm deeply amused, disturbed and all sorts of other things regarding discovery of this section of the online Huffington Post:

click here

Its quite striking the way the tabs are listed at the top of the page: Living / Health / Divorce / Arts / Books / Religion.

Read through this Wikipedia entry. It was interesting to me. The founder of the company believes that "certain characteristics can predict compatibility, and lead to more satisfying relationships". It doesn't focus on shared interests, instead the "members complete a proprietary questionnaire that purports to determine characteristics, beliefs, values, emotional health and skills". It was discouraging that same-sex connections weren't possible. But with all the computer dating out there, this one has a distinctly different approach. Anyone have any experience with this? click here

George is a muse in all senses of the word. I've been blessed by his time and visions beyond this interview, but in this current candid portrait, he is brutally honest in his rejection of the idea of marriage, though there are moments that leak a certain tiny hope that the whole thing: long lasting love/marriage, could be possible and mutually rewarding.

I had the pleasure of meeting with Honor Fraser today since she is interested in the concept of Get Hubbied. I was thinking about finding a venue to serve as a launching pad for the project's fruition - the next step in exposing the project's intentions to a larger public - throwing a larger net. We stirred up some great ideas and the discussion underscored for me the importance of working with a couple who truly fit and are inspired/inspiring. I was hoping the LAB, Honor's space for project's outside the scope of the galleries primary focus, was the place to hold the next event in this trajectory, but the LAB is more about singular artist's projects, not collaborative ones. It was a great brainstorm though and I'm sure the conversation will bear other fruit.

After more thought post meeting, I became more and more sure that it is clear what needs to happen next: the wedding. That's all. Its that simple: find the couple, get the artists going, handle the details and have the wedding. I don't need an event before the main event. I always have to remind myself to pull back. I tend to go overboard with details, when the core of the idea is the most important.

Click here for the article

I met with Amy today, who will be taking over the editing of the interviews where David Herr left off. He is far too busy in the big apple to continue, and I want the footage already shot to be edited before the next blue moon. We will miss him though! It is good momentum on my end in getting the wheels of the project in gear to get the interviews off the shelf and out on YouTube and on this site. She's excited about the project, gets it, and I look forward to collaborating with her. My cousin Tyler Hubby knew her in Chicago many years ago, and so its nice to bridge the gap.

Click here for her website

click here

click here

Today I'm meeting with Rose Apodaca (a dynamo of a woman who has been helping me all along with PR) to get all our eggs in a row to present Get Hubbied to a few key people towards the end of this month. This means tweaking the press release, getting a presentation together and all the stuff I am not so fond of, but that is needed to get the word spread and hopeful support for this ambitious undertaking. I don't want the couple chosen to have to pay for everything, and I want them to be able to keep the artwork made especially for them. Nothing else makes sense. This is what has stopped me from going ahead with a couple who have already applied. I have a couple I really like and could (and almost did) forge ahead, but I suppose I should hold out to see if these avenues of potential backing come through - to become the yellow brick road to fruition. This brainchild needs to be born.

Cross your fingers for us!

Oct. 5, 2010

I've seen many complilations of bloopers, and like this one the best. Firstly: no annoying narrator, and secondly, there are many vintage clips, and lastly the editing is amusing and clever. Enjoy!

Wedding Bloopers

I'm pleased to announce that my commitment to waiting for this project to bear fruit in the best of ways is seeing some full-fledged fruit. Its been incubating, but not passively. I've been working behind the scenes non-stop on interviews, editing, and outreach for potential venues, sponsorship/underwriting etc.

There is activity, not just on the creative front: check out the 2 new videos recently edited here. We have so many other videos to edit and post forthcoming. There may be a potent opportunity that will propel the project to a bigger audience. The couples in this second round are being let go, in order to get a wider field of play in regards to venue, exposure and resources. It will take more time, more so than any other project I've started, this it will be well worth the wait, I promise.

I am also going to activate this blog daily-ish. (ack - the word gives me hives, but I get it: it does give you folks/others more frequent updates and thoughts without me having to be up in your/their grill). So, bookmark it and check in.

If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, constructive criticism, and by all means and especially: praise, send them/it my way.

Cheers, B

I had butterflies in my stomach on this one. They, the butterflies, had something to do with how much I appreciated the time and thought they, Jon and Liz, put into their application. It was like reading something that my best self would have written if I were the couple applying. I may have to plagiarize them in all future writings about the project. I'll just excerpt a part of it, though it is all as intelligent, attentive and quotable:

A basic challenge in having a wedding is that while there is something truly meaningful about the intentions and motivations, the standard form of the ceremony is often stale, rote, even problematic. We believe that one possible solution that would allow us to affirm the essence while challenging the form is through “play.”

An essential element of the ceremony must involve explicitly challenging the institution of marriage before affirming it. We hope to take seriously some of the objections to marriage, including its traditional role in the subjugation of women and queers; its relation to the state and property rights; and the problematic expectation of marriage as normative.

We aspire to a ceremony that incorporates elements of the performative and interactive; one that is fun and funny while still being earnest; one that constructs a narrative and takes the guests on a journey; one that is as much commentary on the ceremony as it is ceremony itself. This will require striking a delicate balance: between the traditional and the non-traditional; between earnestness and silliness; between play and our own preachy didacticism."

Jon is a research director at an L.A.-based non-profit advocacy organization that focuses on improving jobs and the environment. Liz is has been an editor in the publications department at MOCA for ten years.

Rodney Zaccardo, a sales rep (44 years old), and Vicky Way, financial planner (37), are now living in Thousand Oaks. They met in a dog park and have dated for about 5 years and engaged since 2008. "A lifetime partnership means having a best friend for life, who is your true partner through thick and thin." If it weren't for family, they would have gone through a Vegas drive-through. It is important to them to have a ceremony for their families to enjoy with them, so they would be having the wedding less for themselves than for others.

What I found the most engaging aspect of the interview, is that they seemed so different and yet they come together seamlessly; they seem like best friends who just happen to be in love (with benefits). It was also admirable to me that they are not at all a part of the art world and yet approached this art-drenched idea with an openness I wish I'd see more in the art world. They were willing and enthusiastic to leave all the details up to me, which also spoke to me of their bravery in the face of family wedding demands and wishes.

Arriving to interview Emily Nettie Meredith (archivist) and Jeremiah James Lewis (writer and web/graphic designer) I had a technical meltdown right when I arrived; they were most understanding. I was Tif-less, and the camera turned into a foreign object in my hands - Tif usually mans the machine. I finally got things working and we had tea while we talked. They easy to be around and completely at ease as a couple, and I was flattered they wanted to be considered to Get Hubbied.

Here is a notable exerpt from their application form where they answer the question, "What about Get Hubbied appeals to you?":

There is, of course, the superficial, obvious, and maybe most pertinent elephant in the room, and that's the benefit of having a wedding, its planning and execution, and all the myriad details taken care of and run by talented, inspired, brilliant people who aren't... us. Then there's the art itself. Marriage has always been a bit of spectacle, kind of like Jacques Brel on the streets of Paris dancing with soldiers on leave, or Dadaist theatre for the masses; weddings are the most public act of what is a rather intimate and private union. What better way to encapsulate the spirit of that boisterous openness by presenting it as an artistic endeavor? After all, a lifetime together generates not just love but also friction, and friction, heat, and heat, in some cases, can help forge artistic, pathways down unknown roads. Marriage is as much a matter of public opinion and interaction today as it is a thing between two people, God, and a silent, watching crowd.

I met Matt and Kirsten Hudson at a wedding for an artist friend of mine. They were the surprise conversation of my night, and I was compelled by their story enough to pursue an interview with them. They met on match.com and are now expecting their first child, to their, and my delight. She is a whiz of a cook, and over dinner (yum) I was treated to a lesson in how to create a compelling online dating profile. It was fascinating as to how many tips they had as to how to present yourself in the best possible way. It all made total sense, and I think their tips would do a lot of people a lot of good when foraging into that virtual meeting arena.

I'd never met Kristin Calabrese before, which is almost shocking as we know at least 158 people in common, so says Facebook. Of all the interviews thus far, and most likely all in the future, she and Joshua (Aster) are undoubtedly and completely unified. It was inspiring both in what I saw, being their individual art works and home/studio environments, and what I heard, which was their connectivity, their history and the story of their marriage. I look to them to instill some breath of fresh air into this whole marriage activity amongst artists. There is so much resistance to it, and mistrust of it, and she and Josh are simply utilizing it as a ritual structure that they are filling with their own beliefs - reinventing it for themselves - taking what they like, looking forward and leaving the rest behind.

I'll just quote from their Get Hubbied application, since I feel they say it best:

We are Brooke Richards: 26 years old; office manager/hostess/casting assistant, and Simon Herrera; 29 years old; owns a boxing gym. We've been together for 1 year after meeting at a gym in Pasadena. He was the boxing coach there and a friend of mine begged me to take the class with her. After the first class I found myself in love and ended up organizing my entire work and school schedule just to take his class (which is hard with 3 jobs on top of going to school). Finally, he met me at the hospital I was volunteering at one night and brought me dinner and we talked until 3 in the morning, told each other EVERYTHING (every secret, mistake, etc.) and we've been together ever since.

I interviewed them in the back yard of their home inside their own professionally kitted out boxing gym, which serves as a boxing school for kids in the neighborhood. Its special to meet two people who are making a big contribution to their community while at the same time banding together as a couple.

Veronica Anne Blaha, 23, painter preparing for graduate school Clinton William Ayre, 29, software engineer and musician

We have been together for 4 years and decided that we wanted to be married after a series of life-changing events involving birth and death affected both of our families. We wanted being married to afford us opportunities to travel together as lifetime companions to nurture each other's changing paths.

There's a wedding in the south we went to that made a lasting impression on us. It was in a park in the city we went to college in. The wedding was a marriage between a prominent southern writer and a woman who was a hard laborer and good friend. A small letterpress company did the invites. It felt very town hall, very intimate, as the park wasn't much larger than a lot of land to build a house on. It was almost as though they were having a wedding in a building, yet there was none. This made the wedding seem pre-civilization, which was refreshing.

We are agnostic and open to ritual interpretations of marriage. We like to think of ourselves as creative people, aware of and attuned to the arts and artistic projects, living under the idea that art and life can be more interconnected with small, everyday efforts. The opportunity to create a wedding ceremony through collaborative input and outside influences rather than inward, heirarchal lines of command is what attracted us to your project. We would like to put aside personal sentiment in favor of the experience.

Katherine Mayfield and Gordon Bowen are friends of mine, but as luck would have it, also like this idea to Get Hubbied enough to apply. I love their application - it reads like a good short story, and well it should since Kate is a writer/editor/interior decorator etc etc.

This statement struck me as the root of their collective sentiment on marriage:

The best part of a lifetime partnership is what isn't expected. It is losing your selfishness and embracing the life of someone who has somehow become just as important as you. We are building something big and wonderful together--even though it isn't necessarily clear what that thing is, it is exciting and special and it would be impossible to do without each other. We think of our lives together as a creative project, always leading us into new places -- working together to make our lives as beautiful and special as they can be. It is our hope that this project will continue throughout our lives.

I am going to toot my horn via their words - I just can't resist.

We think that not only is Bettina Hubby a unique and wonderful artist in her own right, but that she also has a special gift for finding and encouraging artists with special points of view and abilities of expression. We are less interested in the individual artists than the collective result of their collaboration. What is most interesting to us about this project is watching (and perhaps participating in) a great experiment of artists delving into and exploring the roots, meanings and expressions of the cultural institution of marriage. The result can be nothing less than exciting. And what better way to mark what we hope to be a lifelong partnership of creating and building a life unlike any other--than by allowing a group of artists to bring their own inspiration and expression to a one-of-a-kind, once ever moment about our lifelong project?

Richard Allan Aptekar and Bevy Jeanne Travlos applied today, and are unable to have an interview since they live out of town. I'd like to quote their application. I wish I'd been able to meet them. I love how they met, their story, etc.

Richard is 68; Bevy is 61. We both look and act 20 years younger than our actual ages. We met at Bevy's former office, at a business networking group session, 'Entrepreneurs In Action'. Together 7 years. Richard is a property manager/entertainer/writer/wedding officiant. Bevy is a marketing consultant/jewelry designer. While we've both been married twice, we never say 'never again'. On the other hand, we both love and LIKE each other and we're still debating whether we should 'get married', so the determination of a lifetime partnership is still up in the air.

Personally, I (Richard) love ceremonies that are totally unique, individual. I perform a lot (30+ each year; 20 years) of ceremonies and the most memorable are those that capture the essence of the bond between bride and groom.

As artists ourselves, we love the creative process and it's results. It would be wonderful to have other artists interpret our ceremony. Bevy's jewelry is truly 'one-of-a-kind' - very popular with discerning jewelry/art lovers here in the Bay area. She is also a wonderful, original illustrator/designer who still makes a living as a graphics guru. Richard (aka Allan Richards) comes from a very artistic family. I have a brother who is a horn player/writer in LA (Stuart Aptekar, StusBlues); another brother, Ken Aptekar, who is a fine artist, splitting time between homes in NY & Paris (KenAptekar.net); Sister Lucy Aptekar, arts consultant in Boston; and my four grown kids are all artistic, creative, bright.

Richard's website: www.ShowsToYou.com for more images and information

A couple, Renee Arnold and Ryan Joyce, who applied online and can't be in the flesh to be interviewed, therefore their written voices suffice to tell their story:

I am 27 and Ryan is 29. We met in 2002 at California State University, San Bernardino, when Ryan was my secret admirer. Some of his fraternity brothers found out he had a crush on me and they got together with one of my sorority sisters to send clues. They'd ask questions like, "if you had to choose between A.C. Slater and Zack Morris, who would you pick?" I picked Slater and they said it would never work! It made me realize it was not one of the Latino guys in the fraternity, it was one of the White guys! After a few weeks of getting questions and clues, I had it narrowed down to Ryan and his best friend Dennis, and I got him to confess when he returned a movie he borrowed for his art of film class. We just celebrated seven years together in December when Ryan finally proposed! Ryan is a regional manager for AT&T in Washington, DC, and I'm between jobs, trying to figure out how to use my education for something meaningful until we start a family and I become a granola-baking home-schooling Mom.

I knew I would be with Ryan forever very early in our relationship, before we were even officially a couple. We were having a conversation in our student government office and suddenly everything around us disappeared. I just saw him across from me, carrying on a conversation, and I stopped hearing him. Instead, I heard a voice in my head say, "this is it, he's the one, you're going to be with him for the rest of your life." I heard that voice and knew I couldn't argue it. A feeling of warmth washed over me that has been with me ever since. I have wanted to be married to Ryan since I graduated from college in 2005. My family has a history of bad examples of marriage. In fact, my Dad just got his eighth divorce, my Mom has been divorced three times, and I have three siblings who each have different Moms. Ryan and I began talking about marriage when we realized we wanted children together and wanted to provide them with the stable roots I didn't have as a child. Ryan jokes he was absolutely certain he wanted to marry me on the day he proposed, because I shared my bread with him at dinner. Apparently, being able to share really good bread with him even though I really wanted to keep it for myself was proof that I would be willing to share every part of my life with him.

My younger sister's friend Katie's ceremony left a big imprint on me because it was the first I had seen where the officiant asked the friends and family to support them in their marriage. I think this stuck with me because a wedding and a marriage are really about bringing friends and family together to celebrate. Ryan, however, isn't such a huge fan of the ceremony aspect of a wedding, he just wants us to be married and for our friends and family to have a great time celebrating with us at the reception. His favorite part is the reception if the food is good, the ambiance is fun, the DJ is on top of his or her game, and everyone is having a good time. I think the best time he had at a wedding was at his fraternity brother Denis' reception where we were surrounded by friends and there was an open bar, the staff cleaning the tables was kind of slow so we had a huge ring of beer bottles and wine glasses surrounding the centerpiece. Our new decor inspired a word of the day: "ambiance"! Every time anyone said "ambiance" we all cheered like on "Pee-wee's Playhouse". We danced a little and hung out in the courtyard while the boys all smoked cigars. It was a really fun reception.

Neither of us are religious but we would want to incorporate the African American broom jumping ceremony on our way back down the aisle in honor of my African American half.

Ryan has grown up surrounded by art. His mom, Susan Joyce, is a curator and she actually recommended this project to us. Art has become a big part of my life as well as a result of being with Ryan. I've always been curious in learning new things and seeing the world in new ways, and having someone else interpret our day for us would be an amazing new experience for us and our guests. It would be a truly memorable way for us to begin the next chapter of our life together.

Austin Young and Dave Burns have been together for 8 years. They have broken up and gotten back together approximately as many times as years, but their relationship is strong and weatherproof. They have been in conversation with us to be our chosen couple and have questioned our motives, direction and covered all points possible: its been eye-opening and challenging, and has ultimately strengthened the Get Hubbied resolve. They are also partners in their art practice under the name Fallen Fruit, and are getting the wide and large recognition they deserve for the social and community work they do under that name. LACMA is featuring their versatile and generous fruit-centric projects for a whole year, which kicked off in 2010. We were excited to consider them and have enjoyed thinking of what they'd bring to the table. They have chosen not to participate after much thought and conversation due primarily to the fact that our art practices may be confused/muddled with the merger.

Here is their website (which is quite impressive, its a wonder they have time to think about getting married):
click here

They are the 1st and 2nd from the right

A Good Marriage, French, by Eric Rohmer - an impetuous but emotionally frail Sabine stars: a woman on a single-minded mission to find a husband. Ditching her married lover, she sets her sights on Edmond, the attractive cousin of her best friend. Edmond is cordial to Sabine but unresponsive to her romantic overtures. Her persistence is wrenching, but... - 1981

My Dad has made some verbal gesticulations hovering over the idea of asking mom on a trip with him. Wow. I have to say that this time it surprises me. Its been many moons since they were last together and let's just say, they have been down that road a few times with each other (4). Shakespeare lives on, and more power to them. Perhaps the fifth time is the charm.

Renowned feminist writer Vita Sackville-West and her husband Harold Nicolson shared an open marriage, indulging in same-sex encounters and other taboo practices in an era of strict societal mores. Set in World War I Europe, this Masterpiece Theater drama explores Vita's tumultuous affair with novelist Violet Keppel in a brave true-story portrayal of lesbianism in the early 20th century. - 1990

We started putting these ads up on telephone poles around the city in art-centric locales. Many site hits.

This remarkable Israeli movie about arranged marriages starts as a romantic comedy: unmarried at 31, Zaza is an embarrassment to his family. Though they parade him past young, attractive, and eligible girls, he resists them all--because Zaza already has a secret love affair with Judith, a divorcée. Zaza knows his parents would never accept Judith; but when his parents find out, the results are worse than either of them ever expected, leading to a harrowing and sad conclusion. Every turn of the story is full of lively, unexpected details; there's not a predictable moment in the entire movie. Dover Koshashvili - 2003

I was thrilled to be asked to Malibu to interview these two: testaments to the long lasting possibilities of togetherness - Joshuah Bearman and Ronni Kappos they, together for 14 years now, married just over one, and open enough to talk about the road - including the bumps. For the interview they were house sitting at a gorgeous seaside estate, a true oasis. He a journalist, and she a jewelry designer - both with such individual strength and character. They were married in Africa, enveloped by a loving celebratory culture. They were there without their immediate families but gained a whole tribe/family of revelers to support their union. It was fascinating how many American rituals were integrated into the tribes' own. Neither groom nor Bride gave them any instruction on what they wanted out of the ceremony. I can't wait to edit this footage.

These photos speak for themselves - it was achingly hard to choose:

The Ad in ARTFORUM is out on the stands! I got a supportive note from Knight Landesman sent a nice note of well wishes - he really likes the project and wanted to make sure I understood the placement in the back was because it is an advertisement, so in that section, I got the best placement. I have such fond memories of working there. It was like being in a Woody Allen film.

Victor and Irma Estrada opened up to us about their troubles, milestones and successes. It was a deeply moving discussion filled with the kind of gulp you get when you hear of a couple overcoming major obstacles and doing the work it takes to stay together. The interview is in the video portion of this site, so do watch it - its densely rich.

Whoa, the details. This is harkening back to CoTour 08 where every detail had 100 details to it. Both Tif and I are on the computer too much for our own good these days, but its rewarding as all the artists bios and images, the research, the marriage poll, and all the aspects of the website we're building are solidifying the whole picture-ness of this project. One more month to get it all sorted, as well as organizing a three-day show at The Company (gallery in Chinatown), a collaboration between me and Abel Baker Gutierrez which takes place on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th of October.

Its a little nerve wracking to have put this brave undertaking into the hands of the universe, but it feels good too. The Ad has been sent to Artforum and will hit the stands on October 1st, thereabouts. The mystery couple will hopefully connect with the deeply good intentions of this project and have faith that HubbyCo, and all our collaborators will see to it that this wedding experience is meaningful and dynamic beyond imagining. Knight Landesman at Artforum, where I worked as the receptionist and then circulation director so many years ago, has given us a glorious discount on the ad, and has faith in our project. The artists are sending in good information and ideas, and its gradual (strong and sure) info and image gathering is a sight for sore eyes.

Tif and I interviewed this wonderful couple, Xochitl Oliva and Marissa Bell (Mabell). Their home itself was a testament to the strength of their relationship. They were incredibly forthcoming about the challenges and victories of being a lesbian couple, and they got married during that brief window in California when it was appropriately legal. Their cats were running and playing around in their abundant garden as we talked. Check out their video on this site.

All the artist's have committed to the project, and the advertisement has been scrutinized word by word, and will be sent to Artforum tomorrow morning. Its nice to have that behind us. I'm sure Mike Slack (artist and the designer of the Ad) will sleep better knowing I can't change or argue semantics any longer. Now its time to buckle into the month of making everything ready for that Ad coming out. I have to make sure that every question is answered before anyone asks them, as much as this is possible. My bulletin board is tired.

Brothers, in a relationship more deeply involved than any romance they've ever had. This is why they wanted to be interviewed together.

Here are the lyrics to the song they chose to represent their relationship:

For the Life That Will Be

If we remain together we can even fly - We can cross this sea - If we remain together in our diversity - Together we can discover our unity - If we can put ourselves together we'll have continuity - If we stay together it will be true freedom - For the life that will be, for the life that will be - You will never be alone - If we stay together and we tell each other everything - If together we plant the seeds together we can gather the fruit - If we stay together it will be a miracle - If we stay together we will be a family - For the life that will be. For the life that will be. - You will never be alone under this sky - We will stay together if we understand each other- If we pardon each other, what mistakes can we make? - We will stay together if we have the will - And succeed together to give ourselves freedom - To the life that will be. For the life that will be - You will never be alone, I will never be alone, we will never be alone.

Orson Welles' audacious biography of newspaper baron Charles Foster Kane, which, in essence, was a thinly veiled portrait of publishing magnate William Randolph Hearst. Welles's complex and technically stunning film chronicles Kane's rise from poverty to become one of America's most influential men -- and it's considered one of the best movies ever made. Notable to this topic is the famous 'breakfast' montage scene succinctly illustrating the disintegration of Kane's marriage in a brief time. 1941

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Life is Sweet - Mike Leigh, 1991. The plot is simple enough. A couple of days in the life of a working class London family. A couple of fairly deep issues are dealt with, such as eating disorders and depression, but other than a few moments, all we are doing is watching a family live their life: a strong hard-working mother; a weaker easily-led by his mates father; and their twin daughters: Natalie - resourceful and kind-hearted but with a strange tendency to wear men's shirts and down pints - and Nicola - screwed up, rude, irrational and painfully insecure in both her looks and her intelligence. Notable to this topic is the resounding sweetness between husband and wife, at the end of the day - there is love there.

Tif and I went to Jon's house to interview him about his project about couples. He had taken portraits of couples in his circle of LA acquaintances and friends. He was struck by the uncanny pairings that had shared people in common over time within this group. He is such a well-spoken person, succinct in his thinking. There won't be much editing needed here. A romantic at heart.

Here are a few couples he photographed (and not all of them are still together):

Sad film with a slightly satisfactory end via the main characters softening from a crotchety professor feared by his students and cuckolded by his young wife - 1940 Mike Figgis

Tif and I went over to a very nervous pair of men, camera shy, but they had no need to be. I've known them for years and have had the culinary pleasure they dole out when at their home. It is my dream home, with a fireplace and a spectacular view, a large kitchen and good taste abounding.

This is the collage of images they hesitatingly provided:

A German man, in love with his wife. How's that for a catch phrase!? It was lovely to meet Christian Wizick through my friend George Pocari. He and his wife have undergone some major obstacles, but his first priority is family. He would rather be living in the United States, but will stay in Germany for the sake of unity. His wife was in Germany at the time of the interview, so I interviewed him solo about being not solo. I was moved to witness such unselfishness and sacrifice.

What struck me the most deeply, other than the fact that Christian has his head on his shoulders and his priorities in line, is that he sacrificed his dream job for his family. They were more important to him than anything else. This jolted me. I have met very few people, in fact I'm having a hard time thinking of ONE person, who has made such a big life decision and sacrifice for the other.

Javier Tapia and Signe Skovmand met in Barcelona on vacation and fell in love. They are not married, and feel strongly that the institution is not for them. They have been together for more than 8 years and travel separately for their individual careers, him for art and her for social work. I was curious to see a relationship work with so much separation and no verbal or legal commitment.

Tif and I met with Linda and Alan, very accomplished architects who are known to use recycled and green methods of building. We went to discuss the build out of the desert property I purchased a year ago - a plot of dirt with a small structure on it. I say small structure instead of house since its basically walls and a roof, no plumbing or any interior goodies. We envision it to be HubbyCo Far East, and a component of Get Hubbied. It is envisioned to be a retreat for recently joined couples to go and get away from each other, to be alone and to think about marriage, togetherness and themselves as individuals. I went to Montessori school as a child and thought of guiding the individuals in a similar style and structure through films and reading materials and activities in a solitary peaceful environment.

We then went out to the desert to visit a property that they built, called the It House. Check out their website:
click here

Interviewing Michele and Ivan was a positive reinforcement as to the possibility of mating for life, underscoring their deep commitment and shared system of values, as well as a life-loving attitude. I've known them for years, but, as it tends to go with even the closest of friends, have never talked about their relationship, how they met, and what their relationship means to them. They are each such strong characters but neither take the dominant role - which I find quite rare. I was aware of their love of cats though - I think at one point they had about 9 of them.

See their interview, and at least one of the cats, under video's on this site.

This film is considered one of Ingmar Bergman's best, an intense drama follows the marriage of Marianne and Johan as it deteriorates - the frustration and misunderstandings palpable. When Marianne learns of Johan's infatuation with another woman, the relationship unravels, yet through it all, a deep, underlying love keeps the couple connected. And Marianne's discovery of her power as an independent woman woos him back to a deeper union. 1973

Here are the questions we are asking most couples when they get interviewed:

How did you meet?

How old are each of you?

Did you have significant relationships before you met each other?

What were each of your parents relationships like?

How long had you been living together?

Tell us about the circumstances leading up to your marriage? Who popped the question?

Why did you decide to get married as opposed to a civil union?

What are your thoughts on gay marriage?

What aspects of marriage are most important for you, and do you subscribe to religious or cultural conventions?

Was your marriage in some way something you did for your family?

Does it increase your feeling of stability to be bonded to each other in this way?

Does it change the way that you feel about each other to be married?

Do you see yourselves growing old together, or do you look at marriage as being a long term commitment, but not necessarily till death do you part?

When you look around at other people you know who are married, what percentage of them do you think are happy with their partners?

Do you think taking occasional breaks from each other may prolong marriages?

The marriage project is coming together and now feels like a real undertaking instead of just a conversation. Its been a complex road, but things are falling into place. The technology has been a big roadblock. I suppose it makes sense that when you up your game, and the learning curve has grown for you, then things can get uncomfortable. Tif and I have been struggling with Final Cut Pro and all its glitches and quirks, but the first few wedding videos have been shot, and the footage awaits our virtual red pen...and then we'll begin logging them to the website.

Stay tuned.

xHubbyCo

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Marriage From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia For other uses, see Marriage (disambiguation). "Married" and "Matrimony" redirect here. For other uses, see Married (disambiguation) and Matrimony (disambiguation).

Marriage is a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways, depending on the culture or subculture in which it is found. Such a union, often formalized via a wedding ceremony, may also be called matrimony. People marry for many reasons, including one or more of the following: legal, social, libidinal, emotional, economic, spiritual, and religious. These might include arranged marriages, family obligations, the legal establishment of a nuclear family unit, the legal protection of children and public declaration of commitment.[1][2] The act of marriage usually creates normative or legal obligations between the individuals involved. In some societies these obligations also extend to certain family members of the married persons. Some cultures allow the dissolution of marriage through divorce or annulment.

Marriage is usually recognized by the state, a religious authority, or both. It is often viewed as a contract. Civil marriage is the legal concept of marriage as a governmental institution irrespective of religious affiliation, in accordance with marriage laws of the jurisdiction.